This Is Home
by DreamDeadDreams
Summary: After Kyle dies, Stan has no options left but to end his life; but because of his 'sin' he becomes a demon....while Kyle is an angel. What can you do when you're lover is fighting to stop the appocolips you're starting? Style
1. Mirrors and Cameras

It was that time of week again, Sunday afternoon, the only time I had free. I was always busy, homework, work, friends, Wendy; I was always up to my neck in things I had to take care of. This week was especially heinous, the school season was wearing down and final exams were coming up, I had been studying hard, if I failed any, it would be my head. But all of that didn't matter right now; it never mattered on Sunday afternoons. Straightening my tie, I stepped out of the old junker I drove, the gravel crackling under my feet. It was so quiet there, silent, dead. Chuckling to myself I stepped onto the meticulously groomed grass and counted seven in. I really didn't need to do that, I knew where it was very well, after all, I'd been going there every Sunday afternoon for two years. I smiled slightly, a sad lonely smile that often crept onto my face, and sat down next to him.

"Hey," I said resting my head on the marble "How's life treating you?"

I wish he could speak back, but he couldn't.

"Final exams, god I wish you were here, I could use your help. You were always smarter than me, Kyle. You could have done something great, you know that? Yeah, I know, I say that every time I'm here, I can't help it. Wendy's been on my case a lot lately, mostly about you. She's barely ever sees me anymore, and she's ticked when I don't hang with her on Sundays. Yeah, I don't get it either, I mean, I thought she'd understand, she was there, she went through it too, but I guess she wasn't your best friend, now was she?" I was grinning like a mad man, tears running down my face "Damnit man, I fucking miss you."

Three years ago, four months, six days, and three hours ago from this day, something began to happen to my best friend. He'd always been frail and sickly, mostly because of his diabetes, he didn't take very good care of it, he often forgot to take his insulin and he'd forget to test and he wouldn't check to see if anything he ate had extreme amounts of sugar in it or anything. I guess I should have seen it coming, his lack of care for his own body, his destructive behavior, he had bad kidneys, always had. The one Cartman gave him was almost as bad as the one he got rid off. I told him to lay off the drugs, I told him to watch his diabetes, I told him time and time again, but then, three years, four months, six days, and three hours ago, I gave up trying to tell him what to do and just let him do what he wanted to. I should have known what would happen, I was the last string holding him up since his parents divorce, and with that last string clipped, he fell. Two months later he ended up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning, I was the one who brought him home, tended to him for a while, until he blew up in my face again, than I left, again. But not much of this matters, he bounced in and out of rehab, the hospital, into my arms, back out of them again. I repeatedly took him in, than shut him out. I still feel as if it was my fault that he's dead, and all the memories of him and me play in my head like some sort of sick torture that I cannot escape from, the day he called in a drug induced stupor, crying and screaming that something was wrong with him. I told him to sleep it off, I wish I hadn't.  
Kyle Broflowski was found the next day, face down in a pool of blood and vomit, dead. His excessive drug use had shut down his liver, which in turn poisoned the rest of his body.

I couldn't cry at his funeral, something in my wouldn't let me, something in me told me that he wasn't dead, that he'd never be dead, to me at least.

"Stan?" she lightly touched my shoulder and I looked up, my eyes were blurred by the tears I didn't cry at his funeral. "are you all right?"

"I guess," I lied turning away from her. She was a pretty girl, there was no doubt about it, she had big doe eyes with long dark lashes, pretty black hair that was always maliciously groomed, she always wore the best clothes, but with all of that. I didn't like her. My heart was barren and cold, always to be stoic, all the love in my body died with my best friend.

"Come on, you were supposed to be home an hour ago."

I look down at my wrist watch, she was right, three hours had flown by like nothing, but I didn't want to leave. Leaving was always the hardest part.

"I guess I have to go," I said softly patting the grave stone "till next week, I guess, unless I see you before then. Bye Kyle."

"Is there something wrong, something you should tell me about?" Wendy said on the drive home, I turned half away fumbling with the CD changer, turning on The Used than turning it to I Am Ghost, than off, then to Kyle's mixed CD that he'd left in my car, a few days before he died. My fingers lingered on the dials as the mixture of hip hop and rock entered my ears. I'd always hated the hybrid music, the synthetic droning and the degrading lyrics, but it was his music and I couldn't turn it off.

"Stan, please, just talk to me."

She was almost crying, but I couldn't open my mouth, it felt as if it was sewn shut, and even if I could open my mouth, I couldn't tell her, there wasn't anything to tell, she knew almost everything, and if I said nothing, she would turn it into her fault, that she didn't do this, or didn't do that. Girls were such a pain sometimes. I just continued to flip through the songs till we got to my house, I got out, said nothing to Wendy, just nodded and waved her good bye, walked inside, and went straight to my room.

Have you ever heard a song that will basically sum up your entire life experience in a few lines? I barely find them, but when I do, I listen them on repeat for hours without end. Right now, Mirrors and Cameras by The Black Maria is blaring on my stereo, and I feel guilty and lonely and a shell, a shell of someone I use to be and that I'm not anymore. The happy boy that use to smile so much, that use to be so happy. I guess I'm depressed, guiltier more than anything to be exact. It's been over two years, and god only knows I can't forgive myself. I'm shivering, though it's not cold, clinging to the flesh on my body, the flesh that can't be mine. It's cold, but I'm not cold, I'm hollow, this skin is just like fabric, yet I can't feel it, I can't feel the fingernails in my skin, but I know that they're there. Sick old memories play over and over again in my head.

_"Stan, STAN! Something…something is wrong!"_

_"Dude, are you high? It's two thirty in the morning."_

_"No…yes, yes I am, but that's not the point, the point is somethings wrong!"_

_"Yeah, you're high, go to bed Kyle."_

_"No, Stan, no, something's really wrong, I feel wrong."_

_"You just need to sober up, go to bed Kyle, I'll talk to you in the morning."_

_"Stan, no, Stan, NO! Stan!"  
"I am hanging up now Kyle, go to sleep."  
"Stan, I lo-"  
_"I wish I knew what he said." I muttered to myself "he lo's me? Loaths? Loans? Lactates? No, no that's just dumb. Maybe he loves me? Loves. Brotherly love? Must be."

But I knew it was more than that, I knew what he meant, and I should have said something. It was why I couldn't love Wendy; it was why I could never love anyone else ever again. I don't see why we didn't explore this so much sooner, I didn't see at the time, probably. I had been totally gay for Kyle since the beginning, but when we were fourteen, we really began to explore. Following strange feelings that we had in the pits of our stomachs, feelings that led us to do things, ah! Another dingy memory that I wish I could just erase.

_ "But how do you.."_

_"I don't know, how am I supposed to know."_

_"At least you've been with Wendy." He smiled that cute little smile that made my heart melt._

_"Pull your pants off, now," I barked, but than caught myself "please."_

_"Fuck, you're eager."_

_"Yeah well, I haven't seen any action in ages dude."_

_"Or should you say at all?"_

_"Shut the fuck up dude." I pulled my pants down and began to blush furiously, he had been right, I'd never seen any at all, till this day. _

I smiled, laughed insanely, right on these sheets, parents downstairs, they didn't know, they couldn't understand the feelings I felt for Kyle. All they knew is that I was his best friend, that's all they would ever know. That had been a glorious day anyways, taught us to use lubricant or we would be walking like "G's" for day's afterward. Still smiling, I rolled over and grabbed my pillow, hugging it close to my shivering body, I laughed into it, muffling my mixture of crying and laughing, the pain I felt in my tightening chest and sinking stomach finally taking its toll on my mind. My fault, my fault, always always my fault, stupid little naïve Stan, you're sick. Sick, sick little boy.

Sitting up, I looked in the mirrior, the person looking back looked like shit. Gaunt, puffy red guilt filled eyes, crooked teeth and smile, or lack there of. That person was a shell, a shell filled with a ghost.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I yelled at him

"You." He said smirking

"Why, what the hell do you want?"

"You."

"Go away."

"I can't."

"Why, just go away, I don't want to see you!"

"Because I am you, Stanly,"

"No, you can't," I gripped my alarm clock firmly in my left hand

"Ah, but I am, and I will always be, till you die of old old age,"

"Fuck that!"

I whipped it like a baseball, it slid from my fingers, it shattered the mirror, shrapnel flung everywhere, Hiroshima. It was too far from my bed though, much to far, so I crawled off, shuddering and mumbling to myself.

"fuck you, fuck that, fuck you, fuck that, I don't care, go away, fuck you, fuck that."

I said it over and over, looking over every single shard of mirror that spread itself across my room. Picking up the largest and sharpest, I smiled.

_"I reach for razor blades_

_I wanna cut myself,_

_I don't know what I_ _say"_

"tisk tisk,"

It was the man in the mirrior again

"What?  
"Tisk tisk, little emo Stan, living up to the expectations of what everyone else expects of him. You don't have to do this, you can just live on, go find someone else."

"There is no one like Kyle, you can't understand, you never can."

_ "Stan, don't!"_

"Stop trying to emulate him!" I screamed plunging in deep into my forearm, it stung so much, so much for than I thought. I hurt like fuck, so much, but it was too late to turn back, blood was bubbling from my arm running down, dripping like a faucet. Pulling back with a strange strength, the flesh tore, it made a strange noise, like nothing I could emulate, blood bubble, pooled and poured from my forearm, but that wasn't enough, it was just one side, one ventrical down, so I tore it from the vein and plunged it deep into the other arm. My left arm was so weak, as I pulled back, the wound in my left arm opened more, it poured onto my clothes, soaking them slightly. When it was all said and done, I pulled myself up onto my bed and laid back. Closing my eyes, I sighed, the room was spinning, but I could care less. I was tired, I just wanted to sleep, my shivering turned into slight convulsions, but I turned and blind eye to it and fell asleep.

There was screaming, screaming my name, I was weak and laughing.

"Stan! Stan!" She screamed shaking me, I closed my eyes and rolled my head over

"Ma'am please don't do that." One of the men in white said

"Stan! Why? What did I do?" she was sobbing, I felt bad, Wendy did nothing, she wasn't the cause of this. Oh my god, my head was pounding, it hurt so bad, my entire body felt drained of all energy, my mind wavered in and out, but I needed to tell her, I knew it was almost time, a time I couldn't wait for.

"N-nothing." I choked out, my mouth dry, it felt like it was stuffed with cotton

"Then why? Why would you do this?" She was in hysterics, sobbing clutching my hand, or at least I think she was, my flesh was still so numb.

"F-for Kyle,"

It was dark again.

Fuck, there was a light, a bright bright light. And people, there were a lot of people, all in white, masks, muttering things. I couldn't tell, they sounded so far away. Thread and needles, strange liquids were being poured into my body, I just wanted to force them out, I didn't want this. Why couldn't people just let me be? When I say I want to be alone, I want to be alone, but no one ever listens, they figure they must be around me at all times. Stupid, stupid fuckers, dumb animals that could never hope to understand, I laughed weakly.

_"We're losing him, we're losing him!"_

They were running around now, frantic, so fast than…nothing. Everything stopped.

_"Stan?" _

I blinked a few times, just to make sure my mind wasn't playing a trick on me. There he was, glowing so brightly my eyes could barely stand it. Exactly the way I left him, the way he left me, my messy red head angel.

"K-Kyle?" I choked out

He reached his hand out to me, smiling, his eyes tearing up, I reached out to the shining hand, but when he took it, the shell fell away. I was free. The lights, they were so much dimmer than before, they were dark compared to Kyle's angelic form.

"Kyle, Kyle," I cried over and over, clutching him, burying my head into his chest.

"It's all right Stan," there was distain in his voice. Did he not forgive me?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I couldn't stop the crystal tears that fell away

"Stop crying, it's all right now, but look, look what you've become, Stan," he physically turned my head and I looked down at the shell.

Ghastly pale, faded blue eyes staring out into space, clothes covered in dry blood, the shell was stick thin, weak looking, but all it was, was a shell that contained me.

"It's over now." I moaned, clutching him. As in life, he was a good head taller than I, willowy all muscle, a soft touch, messy red hair, brilliant green eyes and a warm smile that always melted my heart.

"Do you know what you have done Stan?" he said pushing me away, his voice choked with tears

"Yes, I did it for you, to be with you." I sobbed

"No, you did it for yourself, and now," his voice cracked and faded away

"Now what? Now what Kyle?" I yelled shaking him, he just hung his head

"You go to hell,"

The room began to shake, yet none of the doctors seemed to notice. My grip on Kyle tightened, a rift began to form in the floor, screaming filled the room, torturous screaming

"What?" I screamed

"Good-bye Stan," he muttered as what seemed to be a thousand hands reached from the firey rift and grabbed my ankles, but I refused to let go

"I won't go, I don't want to be without you again, no, no!" I was screaming at the top of my lungs

"I'm sorry Stan, but it has to be this way, I can't do anything about it, you sealed your fate."

"No, Kyle, no!"  
Their grip was too strong, too powerful, my fingers were slipping from the fabric of his shirt

"Stan, I'll always love you." With that his kissed my forehead, my fingers slipped, I plummeted downward, the hands burning my flesh. I reached out ward one last time to my love.

"KYLE!" I screamed, but the rift closed, and I fell deeper and deeper into the bowels of hell.

I couldn't tell day from night here, but I knew I'd been out for a good while, my head pounded and my body ached. Propping myself up, I took a good look around. It was dark there, even with the rivers of fire flowing all around, it was like a dank cave filled with screaming people. I couldn't describe it even if I wanted to, so I just fell backwards and decided to sleep again.

"Stan Marsh?" I bolted up and was looking up at someone I had not seen in a long, long time.

"Oh, hi Satan,"

"I didn't expect to see you down here, what did you do?"

"Committed suicide," I shrugged

"Wow, never expected a kid like you to take your life, but I expect you haven't been the same since Kyle died, have you?"  
"How did you know Kyle died?"  
"Well, he was supposed to come down here, but his kidneys and liver gave out before he could die of the overdose he was scheduled to have a week later."

He said all of this so nonchalantly, I almost exploded in anger, talking about him that way. But the anger at him, quickly changed as I remembered how Kyle had slipped through my fingers again

"You know, I'm not supposed to be very gracious, and I'm supposed to be sentencing you to…" he pulled out a clip board and a pair of glasses and skimmed down the list "either commit your suicide every day or watch a replica of Kyle with another lover for the rest of eternity, but you know what? You really helped me Stan, you and your friends, and I am a gracious Devil."

I cocked my head to the side, unsure of what he was implying

"Are you going to send me to heaven to be with Kyle?"

He laughed a deep, hearty laugh.

"Good God no, I can't do that, the only person that can lift you from Hell is God, and he doesn't take kindly to someone who has rejected one of his greatest gifts."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well, I'm going to let you go back to earth as a devil."

"A devil?" I said a bit confused

"Yes, just as there are guardian angels, there are guardian devils, have you never watched any of those cartoons when you were younger, where there was always and angel and a devil?"

"Yeah, but I thought that was just in cartoons."

"It sort of is, anyways, once you reach a certain age, you are given either a guardian angel or a guardian devil, depending on how you lived your life. Normally, devils are these little creatures," he motioned to the little dark dust balls that were fluttering around "but I owe you a big one. But it's all up to you."

"What does that have to do with anything? I still can't see Kyle." I hung my head, no matter what I chose I would still be spending an eternity without Kyle, and that was hell enough

"Maybe, but at least you'll be able to see your other friends and family, and that should at least count for something, shouldn't it?"

Looking up at the big, red, muscular Demon that stood before me a strange sick smile on his face, I guess I didn't really have much of a choice; it was either torture or watching over some retarded kid till he died. At least I'd get to see my family,

"So what do you say Stan?"

"Sure, why not, sounds like fun."

"All right then, this might hurt a bit." He cracked his knuckles and I squeezed my eyes shut. There was a crack of thunder and my body snapped into a ridged stick. Mouth and eye lids snapped open and I began to scream, it felt like fire was erupting from every pore in my skin, deep from my stomach. My body began to convulse and I fell to the floor, blood was running from my eyes and mouth. It felt as all my teeth were coming in at once and as if there were a million knives being pushed into my eyes and back. I vomited violently, clutching my stomach body trembling. All the bones in my body began to snap and morph, they grew and healed, my fingernails shot from my skin and grew, my shoulder blades tore through my skin along with three of my rib bones on each side, the blood was red hot as it poured from my pale skin. The pain was like nothing I'd ever felt before, but as soon as it started, it ended, leaving me curled up on the floor in a ball, eyes squeezed shut, whimpering, the sick metallic smell of blood everywhere. It stung my nostrils; the screams were magnified piercing my ear drums, I was still in minor pain.

"Well, that we productive, Stan, open your eyes,"

My eye lids shot open on command without my willing, everything was clearer and had a strange dark aura around it.

"You can no longer be called Stan, you hear me?"

I nodded, my mouth too heavy to move

"You are now Loki, the trickster. Stand Loki."

Just as with my eye lids, I stood up without even telling my body too. I was taller, willowier; my hair was a bit longer.

"Go to Earth, my Son will help you from there, you hear me Loki?"

"Yes, my Lord."

It was strange, my voice was darker, more hisser as if a snake was trapped in my throat, answering all my questions.

"Now, he will be the only one to see you, maybe the one you guard, but you will be able to see others like you, other guardians. Maybe even people you know, eventually you will figure out how to do that, but it will be a long time before you can figure out how to take the form of a human, but now go, I've kept you here for too long. Keep in mind, time here and time on Earth is quite different, time there passes much more quickly to you. Now go, through those flames." He pointed to a large gateway where people were falling from by the thousands.

"Thank you Satan," I bowed before my new Dark Lord

"Think nothing of it, Loki, I owed you a big one. Now go."

With that, I turned tail, and glided my way to Earth.


	2. Champagne Supernova

Satan was right, Earth was so much different now, while it was spring before, it was now winter, everything was dead and cold, and strangely I enjoyed it. I enjoyed everything about South Park, my senses were filled to the brim with everything around me. I could literally smell the snow, hear it fall, it was a wonderful experience. Uplifting slightly, it was nice, even nicer from my new point of view. I figured that my shin and thigh bones had grown a few inches, making me about six feet one inch or so, approximately the height of Kyle.

The smile I'd been wearing for the past few moments faded. Kyle, I'd never be able to see him again. Fuck hell, fuck God, Fuck…..fuck…fuck Kyle! No good bastard, if he'd listened to me in the first place he wouldn't be dead, i I /i wouldn't be dead. All his fucking fault.

The rage building inside of me was like nothing I'd ever felt before, it burned like a fire, crackling blazing. Roaring in rage I grabbed a piece of the play equipment I use to play on when I was younger. It melted away in my hands! It was as if it was just an ice cube, what the hell? I poked the swing set a few more times, nothing happened, there was no melting, no ice cube like anything.

"Loki?"

I turned to the sound of Young Master's voice, I hadn't see Damien in years. He'd transferred high schools after was expelled for setting this homophobic bastard on fire for making fun of him and Pip. He was taller, but shorter than my new body, still had the same long black hair, unpleasant demeanor, and love for black clothes. Yet he'd traded in his Metallica t-shirts and leather jackets for a black business suit, I guess if you were to be in the prince of the underworld, you'd want to look dignified.

"Damien, dude, how are you?" I said with a smile, his jaw literally dropped, pulling down his black sunglasses slightly, he gave me a disbelieving stare.

"Stan? You're the new demon?"

"Yeah, but please don't call me Stan, kinda closed that chapter in my life with a mirror." I chuckled slightly, folding my arms and leaning against what was left of the leg of the swing set.

"Yes, of course, but seeing as you are you, I won't have to do much explaining about who you will be guarding. You know him quite well." He chuckled slightly, lighting up a cigarette. My stomach sank, if this feeling in my gut was right, I was in for one hell of an eternity.

"Don't tell me," I moan in protest "The fatass."

"If you mean Eric Cartman, then you are correct sir." Damien smirked blowing smoke into my face, I fell into a coughing fit and nearly vomited. My new senses were way to keen.

"Fuck." I growled pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. A bell sounded off in the distance and his head whipped around.

"Sounds like school's out, better go find your boy fast." He said motioning with his cigarette.

"Yeah, well, thanks Damien, I'll see you around?"

"Of course you will, now go Loki, wreck your havoc upon the souls of those lest fortunate."

"Of course Master," I bowed slightly, I didn't know why, something in me, another entity that was forcing its way into my soul was causing these things to happen. I about faced and took off running. Thought the high school wasn't that far away, I knew that Cartman would probably be out of there faster than a bullet. He use to always take off without telling anyone where he was going.

Note to self, thank Satan for making me taller. Running was so much easier with long legs, but I guess being dead and a demon probably helped me out a bit. A run that would have taken me twenty minutes while I was alive only took me five. The people around me were a blur of different colored energies. Purples, blues, whites, greens, all colors of the rainbow where surrounding people. All the colors had minor effects on me, stupid keen senses, but none really had that much effect until I passed a dark purple energy. It was on my left, but I needed to keep running, but my heart, it felt like steel. I fell on all fours, skidding slightly, ripping my too short pants. It felt as if all my organs had been turned to steel, and that all I could do was cry, for no reason.

"Oh Stan,"

My ears perked up and my head shot up as fast as it could. It was Wendy, my poor Wendy, she was crying. Her face pale, eyes red and swollen, knees tucked up into her chest, Bebe comforting her. But even Bebe's bright pink energy didn't stand a chance against the large dark purple energy looming over Wendy's shoulders. Her keening was so great.

"It's all right Wendy, there was nothing you could do." Bebe said holding Wendy tighter as she sobbed into her jacket

"it's all my fault Bebe, I didn't do something."

"Shush, everyone knew it was coming Wendy, there could never have been just Stan in the world, it always had to be Kyle and Stan, Stan and Kyle. You knew this when you started to date him, I told you that you were in for one hell of a ride."

"I know, I didn't care, Bebe," she moaned "I miss Stan."

There was a slight tug at my heart strings, was it Love? No, it was remorse, guilt for putting Wendy through this. Pulling myself up, I lightly touched her knee, she didn't notice, didn't feel it.  
"Wendy," I said softly "I know you can't hear me, but, none of this was your fault and Bebe's right, move on girlie, just move on. I may have never loved you, but you were a big part of my life. Go find a guy to make you ha-"

_"GET OUT OF MY WAY HIPPIE!"_

I cringed at the sound of his voice, all the torments and trouble rushing back in one feral swoop. Eric Cartman, star defensemen of the South Park High Bulldogs, strutting down the cement walk way, hands tucked into his lettermen jacket, light blue hat pulled over his messy brown hair, stupid smile, he was still a fat ass, but now his fat ass was good for something besides taking up space.

"Bye Wendy," I said softly, kissing her cheek and running off after Cartman.

"Know what Bebe?" Wendy said sniffling a couple of times before straightening her back up

"What?"  
"I have a feeling that Stan would want me to move on, he never liked seeing anyone sad."

"I have that feeling too, come on, I hear that Maurice's is having a sale. Let's go."

I trotted behind Cartman, not really sure what to do. No one had taken the time to explain to me what the hell I was suposted to do, just follow him around and make sure he didn't get his fat ass killed? What a waste of an eternity. I guess I could take in the sights. Then again, what sights? It was South Park, nothing changes here except the street lights. Walk, stop, for some reason it just blurred together, I didn't care, I didn't have anything to do, I had an eternity to spend watching Eric be dumb. Speaking of which, where'd the fat ass go?  
I did a few double takes before I realize I'd been standing on the street corner for a long while, because Cartman was walking back, cheeks pink, hair mussed, a large 'I just got laid' smile on his face. In all honesty, I could have gone without seeing that face for another sixteen years. I let him get a few feet in front of me before I actually began to follow him again, I didn't see the point of breathing over his shoulder, it wasn't like I had anything better to do. So I just skidded along the snow covered walkways, missing some of the best part of winter that I could never have again. Seeing my breath, the first initial sting of winter, leaving god damn footprints in the snow, I wonder if I made a snow angel if I would leave a mark, or if I'd just burst into flames. While cool, that would also be all kinds of suck.

Looking up, I noticed that Cartman had begun to look over his shoulder a lot, he looked paranoid, as if something was coming. Of course something was coming, _me_ , he couldn't hear me, smell me, or see me, but I guess if he really concentrated, like more than his little brain could try, he could sense me.

"Fuck, what the hell!" he yelled pointing in my general direction, it caused me to literally jump two feet into the air, leaving me hovering, a very useful tool for the future. But it wasn't me that he was pointing to, it was a short, skinny boy in a bright orange hooded sweatshirt-the sleeves torn off, leaving only his black t-shirt to cover his arms-and a pair of jeans, running at full speed at him. There was only one kid who would wear something like that.

"Kenny damn it!" He yelled as the boy slowed his run and doubled over, clutching his side

"Y-you forgot your house keys at my house," he said with a large smile, Cartman looked around paranoid, but I wanted a closer at his, so I tried to lower myself, but it didn't quite work. I ended up floating upside down for a while before I wound up right next to Kenny, hovering the right way, but I'd missed the good parts of the conversation and was left with:

"So, will I see you tomorrow after school?" Kenny said softly, with bright eyes

"Possibly," Cartman muttered trying to sound distained

"Oh, come on, there's no one around to hear you, just let the wall down, please?"

"Fine, I'll be over right after school like always." He was trying to force back a smile.

What the hell? Kenny and Cartman were _friends _?

Pushing my hands through my shaggy hair, I shook my head. It didn't make sense, the only people Cartman talked to during school was teachers, other football players, girls he was trying to hit on, and me, barely, and everything that came out of his fat mouth was insults. As he waved goodbye to Kenny, I took a good look at my other friend. There was oil smudged on his face, probably from his after school job at the garage down at the race tracks, but he was happy. I'd always envied Kenny's happiness, no matter how bad things were, he was happy. For a kid that died so much when he was younger, he led a very happy teenage life. He hadn't died in a long time, at least two or three years, which was a new record for him. But yeah, Kenny and Cartman could only breed trouble and wrong, which I guess I was for now. I looked down and around, guessing I should follow Cartman all the way back to his house, but on the way we passed my old home, my junker in the yard with a 'For Sale' sign in it and there were no lights on. Cocking my head slightly, I decided tomorrow, while Cartman was in school, I'd go see what my family was up to. It'd be nice, I wouldn't be able to talk to them or anything but-GOD DAMN IT! A nice little spur of realization hit me, I had to encourage Cartmans dumb ass ideas. It wasn't as if he wasn't going to hell, he was probably going to be the next Hitler or something and I had to make sure he didn't fuck up.

"Damn," I hissed, the low rattle snake voice I wasn't use to yet "Damn, damn, shit, shit, fuck." I guess it was good that my Mom could hear me, because she'd probably knuckle me across the mouth like she use to when she caught me swearing when I was younger. Rolling my head to the side, I noticed I'd lost Cartman again, big woop, at least I knew where he was this time. Fuck going with him, I was going to sleep in my own bed. As I truged up to the front door, I stared at it for a while, could I open it? Better not try it, could draw unwanted attention….to what, then again. But, on the other hand, I'd discovered recently that I could float, so I guess I could try that.

"Ok, go!" I jumped up, but nothing, I just landed on the hard cement of my front step. Perplexed I leapt again, yet still nothing, once more, again, again, one more time, I got it this time, once more, come on! Falling to my knees I reached out towards the dark sky and screamed "GO GO POWER RANGERS?"

Still nothing, but not a big surprise for me because I'd just yelled the first thing to pop into my mind.

"On, fuck this," I moaned gripping onto the gutter and climbing up like I use to when I was sneaking back into my room after a long night of taking care of….um…of….that one kid. Carl? Whatever the hell is name was.

The gutter was easier to climb, probably because I didn't have much resistance, dead and all. I didn't even have to open a window; it'd been left open, so I stuck my head inside, looked around and sighed with relief, than shook the rush off, realizing that if anyone had actually been in there, they wouldn't have noticed me, I guess habit over rules newly acquired sense every time.

My room was different, cold and abandoned feeling. It was exactly the way I'd left it, dirty clothes on the floor, small flecks of mirror ignored by the clean up committee, clothes I'd worn the week before, folded and sat on my bed. It was sick in there, the whole place smelt of my mental insecurities, the feeling of death clung to me, and even though everything inside me told me to leave, I couldn't, I was comfortable and at home in this place, even if I wasn't even technically there.

I slowly paced around the room, feeling a bit tugged around. Running my finger through the dust that settled on my desk, I realized that I could leave a trail. Snow must have been too dense for me to leave an imprint on. After writing my names a few times, I realized that I was thoroughly exhausted, but not tired, so I decided to just lay down. As I lay down in my bed, I let out a large moan. My entire body ached, and I felt as though I was hit by several large semis. There must have been either a painful energy near by, or this demon shit was harder than I thought. Tossing and turning for a good part of the next six hours, I couldn't sleep. Something was pulling at the back of my mind, something strange. Why couldn't I remember that one boy's name, the one I helped a lot, I could barely remember his face, or anything about him?  
Shaking my head, I decided that maybe I should just go to Cartman's house, see if he was awake or anything, maybe I could talk to him, but most likely not, super probably not. I forced myself out of the bed and headed for the window, looking back only momentarily to see that everything was back to the way it was when I arrived, minus the fact that my name was still written on my desk, like anyone would notice. Gripping on tightly to the gutter, I slid down, no friction or anything.

Dawn was just peeking over the mountain blotted horizon, all I could do was weakly stare at it, blinking, feeling the bags forming under my eyes as I trudged my way to Cartman's house, shoulders slumped feet shuffling. No one was out yet, it was so damn quiet, the whole town felt as dead as I was. Being dead sucked, I was so lonely. I couldn't talk to anyone, I couldn't reach out, touch anyone, nothing, I was a nothing, a figment of an imagination that let me exist on my own terms, I think. How did I even know I existed, in all honesty, maybe I was still in my shell, sick, locked away in some asylum muttering to myself, if that was true, I was one lonely fucker.

"Can I at least imagine myself some god damn friends?" I yelled out to who ever was listening to me, balling my hands into fists, scrunching up my face and gritting my teeth, but there was no answer, no reply, nothing.

"Fuck," I muttered sitting down on the snow, hugging my shoulders with my new long arms "I'm lonely."


	3. All Around Me a

Months passed like seconds, the daily trudging routine was enough to make me kill myself, if that bastard had at least one kind bone in his fat body, he hid it will. He spewed insults as if there were nothing more than greetings, but the distain I use to have for him was gone. I admired him now, the pure darkness the emanated from his body made me envious, I wanted to be like him, I wanted to be worse than him. The months made me bitter, unaware what actually contact was like, but I'd learned much.

I'd mastered levitation, manipulation, and the powers my emotions wrought, but I knew there was much more that I had yet to realize. None the less, by far manipulation was the most fun. Something I'd stumbled upon accidentally while trying to figure out how to make human contact, I walked up to Wendy one day and whispered i Hello/i into her ear, which she immediately said. Now, normally I wouldn't have figured I made her do it, but she just said this in the middle of a conversation to Bebe, and there was no one else around. It wasn't just words I could make them say, if I put it into more of an action statement, they did it.

At this moment, I was sitting on the edge of Kenny's bed, it was the first time I'd ever followed Cartman to Kenny's house after school, I'd always felt I had better things to do, but now I realize that I actually didn't.

"Kenny stood," I said loudly, not even looking in Kenny's direction, but there was a creek of springs, meaning that he had, indeed stood "Kenny looked around, a disgusted look on his face, he declared he hated his life."

"Fucking hell," Kenny moaned "I hate my life."

I smirked, shoulders hunched as always, grinning madly, pointed teeth protruding, bitter, insane, I could tell the look on my own face, I could even see it clearly in the mirror right across from me, even if no one else could.

"Loki hates his life," I said cocking my head to the side, still smiling "Loki hates all these stupid brats that takes up his life. Loki hates them all, hates them, hates them."

"Kenny, are you all right out there?" Cartman yelled from the bathroom

"Yeah," he moaned in return, my angst was probably emanating loudly, effecting him.

"I'm almost ready, so yeah, hold on."

"It's all right."

"I'm fucking sick of this," I growled standing up and pacing about the room, my eyes fixated on the Kenny boy that sat on the bed. Studying him, I shook my head. "Why don't I remember you, Kenny? Why can't I remember anything? Fuck you, both."

It annoyed me, I could feel it, the nagging in the back of my head telling me I knew these people very well, but I couldn't place my finger on where. It was happening more and more, every day, it was as if my mind was disintegrating on me. I was becoming less human with each passing day. Cradling my head in my hands I looked back into the mirror, loathing the being staring back at me. Red eyes, mouth full of yellowing fangs, my 'horns' – which were nothing more than fragments of my skull protruding from my forehead with blood perpetually running form them- gaunt, almost grey, skin which was thin enough to see my dark veins through, dark shaggy hair, arms and legs too long for my body, I was a fucking mess, or was I? How was I supposed to look? Any different from this? This is who I was, Loki the Trickster Demon, meant to watch over that stupid kid for no reason. Tearing my eyes away from the beast in the mirror, I noticed a picture sitting on his desk. There were four boys, all around his age, arms over shoulders, grinning like mad men after a heist. They all looked vaguely familiar, I recognized Cartman at the very end, looking a little hesitant, his arms around the one in the orange hood, who I assumed to be Kenny, than a boy with dark hair and a brown jacket, he was snuggled up to a boy with bright orange hair, who was smiling and blushing madly, his arm around the dark headed boys shoulders. The last two, the red head and the black haired boy, they seemed the most familiar, thought I'd never met them, I think, but they tugged at my heartstrings, or what was left of them. They seemed in love, happy. Lightly touching the picture, it shocked me, my finger hurt and I almost cried, thought I had no clue why.

"Kenny, I'm ready," Eric called from the other room, Kenny's face lit up with complete joy, as well as turned bright red. Sighing, I turned around and was nearly knocked clean on my ass, my eyes burning. Eric was standing in the door way of Kenny's bathroom, completely naked, a large guile smirk across his face.

"Oh lord," I moaned, unable to look away from the horror in the bathroom door way. Kenny, on the other hand, had a smile across his face that was so joyful, his eyes were squinting.

"Eric," he purred walking over to him, pulling his shirt of.

"OH JESUS!" I cried out covering my eyes

"Oh jesus," Cartman moaned, half muffled, probably kissing Kenny. Now I had nothing against gays or any of that jazz, but this just made me feel a little uncomfortable, period. So rather than watch these two and their sausage fest, I decided to bolt, I had much to think about and was about to loose the lunch I never ate. Crawling out the window, I looked back on last time, only to see naked Cartman kissing naked Kenny in a way that caused my stomach to turn, not because it was disgusting, but because for some reason it reminded me that I was alone.

I walked for hours, till the light of day gave way to twilight than to the darkness of the night, but I didn't go too far, just around the small mountain town, past businesses that I faintly recognized, people I knew I knew, but didn't, to the woods, stopping at a pond, completely frozen over. Stepping onto the frozen water, it neither cracked or broke, it stayed exactly the same as if it didn't notice me at all, the same with the snow I walked over, I didn't even leave so much as an indentation where I walked. Staring up at the star filled sky, I began to scream at the top of my lungs, face scrunching up with intensity, my clawed hands gripping the sides of my head. The screams was like nothing I'd ever done or heard before, like the cross between a wolfs howl and a the last scream of a murdered man, maybe if you threw in a howler monkey into the mix, you'd get what was emanating from my throat. My head began to spin as my volume increased, my need and want to just slip through the ice and drown filled me up, it almost felt as if I was downing myself. Falling to my knees, I felt a strong presence around me, the reason I felt as if I was drowning. It was over me like a blanket, a bright light, it burned, my scream of loneliness turned to one of complete and utter pain, my flesh singeing.

"Stop!" I sobbed trying to force the presence off, I couldn't breathe, the presence thickened the air, turned it to stone around me,

"Stan, Stan, stop it's me."

"Get off!" I sobbed bloody tears running down my face, the pain excruciating, I almost threw up

"Stan, stop, it's Kyle. Please, Answer me!"

"Stop, I'm not Stan! I'm not Stan!" I screamed "I'm Loki! Go away you fucking angel!"

There was only one way to stop this; Pulling my right arm free, I reeled back, letting out a war cry of pain, letting the stopper on my anger go, my hand burning, so hot.

Fingernails connected perfectly with the horrendous beasts face, gold blood running down my arm. The angel stood up, screaming, clutching his face and crying, than flew off, screaming something about 'hating Stan'. But I didn't care, it hurt too much to move, my skin still felt as if it was on fire, burning. I attempted to throw up, but all that happened was blood ran out of my mouth and began pool around me as I lay curled up in the fetal position, sobbing because of the pain, knowing the best thing for me to do is sleep, so, I did.


	4. All Around Me b

I peered out from the closet, Cartman and Kenny were going at it like bunnies again, and I felt as thought I was going to vomit. While I wasn't a big fan of watching real life porn, it wasn't the fatass' naked body that made me ill, it was Stan. What he had become really made me feel sick, he was becoming as bad as the Fat ass, his aura was warping, and he was slowly loosing his mind, and quickly loosing his memories. I wonder if he remembers me? He has too, right? I mean, I loved him, he loved me, we loved each other a lot, he couldn't just forget about me. I wanted to follow him so badly, just run after him and hold him in my arms again, I didn't care that he looked grotesque, because deep down I knew he was my Stan, who helped me so many times, but maybe he forgot because he didn't forgive me?

No, he killed himself for me, he said so, or was it because of me. God said Stan felt guilty that he didn't help me, and Stan was always so quick to take events to heart, he was too sensitive. That means…

I clutched the sides of my head and collapsed onto the back wall of the closet, sliding down, eyes wide and full of diamond tears. He hadn't killed himself for me like I thought, he did it because he couldn't take the guilt; he didn't love me after all. All this made me feel sick to my stomach, I couldn't take any of this, I missed him so much, I missed his smile, the way he fit into my arms, the way his head rested perfectly on my shoulder, running my fingers through his dark hair, the sweetness of his lips, his touch; I moan and slammed my head against the closet wall, tears running down my cheeks.

"Kyle?"

The closet door opened, and I looked up. Kenny was standing over me, a large smile on his face, wearing only a pair of pants.

"Hey Kenny," I muttered drying my tears quickly so that he wouldn't know I was crying, but I knew it was too late.

"What's wrong?" he said sitting down next to me

"Don't you need to, you know?" I motioned to the bedroom

"Cartman left already, something about History homework. I think he's just going to go home and jack off that sex-a-holic. So what's wrong, I could hear you crying the whole time."

"It's just…Stan." I muttered softly, looking away

"Yeah, that kid is pretty fucked up looking,"

My head whipped around, confusion replacing my look of sorrow

"You can see him?"

"I spent some time in hell too, remember?"

"Oh right, sorry. How did you know it was Stan?"

"The same way you know he is,"

"You love him too?"  
"No, I know because of the way he acts, but I know he doesn't remember, his mind is degrading Kyle, it happens when you accept an offer from Satan, you become nothing more than a useless pawn, it's how he cuts you off from the world you use to come from. Sever the ties from God completely." He looked over at me, he blonde hair falling in his bight blue eyes " You miss him a lot, don't you."

"I miss him more now that he's right there and I can't have him."

"You know Kyle, you've saved my ass so many times in the past few years, I don't even know what to do to repay you."

I smiled looking down to the brown carpet, shrugging

"You don't have to do anything Kenny, it's my job, what I am destined to do for all of eternity."

"Kyle, go find Stan, please, it's killing me to see you like this." He said slowly "it should always be Kyle and Stan, you two should never be apart, no matter what this fucked up world wants, you should be putting yourself before the world."

"Kenny, you know I-"  
"I know I know, and I know you know, but that should be worth shit if you can't be with who you love. If Cartman was ever torn from me, I'd kill everyone in my path to get to him, you know that? Even if it means confronting God himself, I love who I love, and when I love, I love with everything thing I got, just like you do. So go find him,"

"Where would I even start?" I moaned cradling my head in my hands

"I don't know, just go!" Kenny yelled standing up and pointing out the window. I nodded, stood up, and took off out the window and into the dark night sky.

I had no clue where I was going to go, even though South Park was so small, Stan was confused and ran like the wind. He was like a lost, rabid dog, he could be anywhere. I circled high above the city but figured that the higher up I was, the more impossible it was for me to tell Stan from the rest of humanity. On foot, it'd be easier to tell, but I couldn't cover ground like he did, fast little bugger.

"Stan!" I yelled, cupping my hands round my mouth so it'd act like a megaphone. "Stan!" But there was no answer to my cries, no one heard me, no one noticed me. The only reason Kenny could see me was because he'd died so many times, and had even been an angel for a while, he was able to open his mind to the world around him, he could see every demon and every angel that walked the streets of South Park. But I couldn't think of Kenny at a time like this, I had to find Stan before he did something stupid.

I was running around frantically, yelling his name at the top of my lungs, my mind chuckling at the irony of this whole situation, because it use to be the other way around.

_"Kyle!" Stan was running around, eyes wide, hair mussed, jacket barely on, making a megaphone with his hands screaming my name over and over, but I'd ducked into an ally and hid behind a few trashcans. I didn't want to be around him, what the hell did he know what was best for me? These, these made me feel great, made me great, and he just wanted me all to himself, he wanted to keep me under his thumb._

_"Kyle!" He was crying now, his voice cracking and wavering "I'm sorry, come back, please, Kyle? Kyle!"_

_Part of me wanted to just run up and kiss the fool, but even more of me just wanted to hid behind this trashcan till he left_.

As I look back on it now, I was such a dumb ass back then, I'd hurt the one person that had meant the most to me, I pushed him away and hurt him. God damn it, I was blind to everything, I tangled myself into a web of drugs and denial, and I couldn't get out, no matter how much Stan tugged, I buried myself deeper, cut myself off from him. It was until my very last moments of life, as I felt my soul draining from my body, I knew I'd fucked up, and I spent the last four years following around Kenny, seeing Stan in school, watching him cry. When he cried, I tried to wrap him in my arms, but he couldn't feel me, all he felt was the air around him, it was at these time I cried too, I felt horrible about doing this too him, and as the years went by, I literally watched him waste away in front of me, I watched him fall deeper and deeper into depression, I was even there when he killed himself. God the tore my heart out and stomped on it, I felt as if the last of my humanity died with Stan, I was actually the one that got Wendy to go over there, and I prayed and asked God to spare Stan, but all God said was that Stan had taken his own gift away, and that he couldn't do anything. But now I could, I could help him, and I knew just where he was.

Running as fast as I could my mind was set, I knew where he was. All I could hear was the trees passing, rustling with the wind I generated, leaves uncovered by the snow crackling, it was exhilarating. Just as a smile crossed my lips, I heard a ghastly sound, a lonely painful howl by a beast not from this Earth, I just knew it was Stan, my assumptions were right, he'd wandered out to Starks Pond.

"Stan!" I yelled as the forest broke into a clearing, where a beast stood in the middle of the pond, head up turned, face twisted, eyes flaring a bright red, the dark aura around him whipping violently. I only paused for a second, not even giving myself time to let the picture sink in, I couldn't let it, I had to get to Stan. The darkness around me closed in, began to suffocate me, yet I still ran, I ran to the eye of the storm, all the while yelling his name. But the dark was strong, it was pushing up against me like two stone walls, crushing me, suffocating me, pouring into my lungs from my mouth and nose, I gasped for breath but still pulled forward.

"God," I coughed and gasped "help me."

As I pulled into the eye of the aura storm, I saw that Stan had fallen onto his knees, blood tears running down him face, the lonely scream seeming unending.

"Oh, Stan," I cried wrapping my arms around him, but instead of stopping, he choked for a moment, than began to scream again, except this was a scream of pain.

"Stop!" He howled, his voice like nails on a chalk board, but I didn't, why would he want me to stop, I had to bring him around,

"Stan, Stan, it's me!" I cried, trying to calm him so that I could talk to him

"Get off!" I howled more, flailing, but I just tightened my grip, his bloody tears staining my face, it hurt, burning slightly, but I didn't care.

"Stan, stop, it's Kyle!" I panted as he struggled, "please stop."

He was strong, super strong almost, and hard to hold on to.

"Stop, I'm not Stan!" He howled in an unearthly voice "I'm not Stan. I'm Loki! Go away you fucking Angel!"

He pulled his arm away, time seemed to almost slow down. Eyes glowing red, face drenched with blood, he reeled back, and I knew what was going to happen before it even happened. His fiery claw connected with my face, straight across my cheek and over my nose. The pain was intense, like nothing I'd felt in a long time, blood began to pour from my wound. My hands clasped over the golden blood, running all over my hands. I screamed in pain and horror, the beast grinned, my heart tore in two. He didn't remember, and now he hurt me, like physically. I couldn't bear it anymore.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU STAN MARSH YOU BASTARD!" I cried taking flight, leaving the beast down on the ice to freeze. My heart dropped deep into my feet, and I began to cry. Stan had never hurt me before, I mean, we'd exchanged harsh words once or twice, play fought for fun, but neither of us had intentionally drawn blood before. Pulling my hands away, I found that the bleeding had stopped, but my eyes were still blurred with silver tears as I flew back to Kenny's.

"Kyle? Kyle what happened?" he yelled in concern as I collapsed on his bedroom floor, heaving and huffing. "Kyle?"

I looked up and Kenny fell back "Oh jesus," he muttered eyes wide

"What? The cut, it can't be that bad?" I sobbed, still in a fit of uncontrollable sadness

"Dude, look in the mirror," he whispered face still in awe

I pulled myself over to the mirror and began to swear rapidly.

Instead of three cuts I'd expected, there were three long black lines of singed flesh that send black and purple veins all over my face, even into the whites of my eyes.

"What the f-fu-fu-aaack!" I collapsed onto the floor

"I'll go get Jesus!" Kenny yelled running out, but I barely heard him. My stomach was twisting in knots like I'd never felt before, it felt as if a black hole had formed in the pit of my stomach and was sucking in my organs. My vision was blurring, black spots forming everywhere, my bones cracked and twisted, I flailed in pain, spine bending and snapping. Closing my eyes, I screamed till I lost conciousness.


	5. CrushCrushCrush

_ "What do you think you're doing?" Stan threw Kyle against the lockers, the clattering alone silenced the hall. "Well, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"_

_"I-I-I…" Kyle stuttered lips unable to find words that would please Stan, who was red face and grinding his teeth_

_"You think you're fucking cool? You think that you're awesome? You're not! You're NOT!" he screamed slamming him against the lockers a few more times_

_"Stan, stop, I-I'm sorry!" Kyle pleaded, the back of his head stung_

_"If you're sorry than you'll stop!"_

_"Boy's what the hell do you think you're doing?" Ms. Garrison, who had been transferred to the high school shortly after the boys had started there, was storming down the hall, face twisted up into a snarl_

_"Nothing, just talking," Stan said winkling his face in disgust_

_"Better be," Ms. Garrison said as Stan slung his backpack over his shoulder and stormed off, leaving Kyle sitting slumped against the lockers crying._

_That was the first fight that resulted in Stan wanting nothing to do with Kyle, which killed Kyle inside. It made him feel so hollow, everything was happening all at once, his parents divorce, Stan, unable to understand his homosexuality, breaking up with Kyle to date Wendy, just to make sure that 'it wasn't just a mistake', Ike, crushed over this situation, had been spending less and less time at home, hanging out with his new friends, which were, to say the least, degenerate punks who just did drugs and smoked and drank._

_Kyle slowly walked home, shoulders slumped, backpack dragging on the ground. When he got inside, he wasn't the least big surprised to see that he was home alone again. Throwing his backpack into the kitchen, he wandered into the living room, to curl up on the couch and watch old reruns of Terrance and Phillip, but he couldn't stomach it, it reminded him too much of Stan, just as everything did, so he decided to just take a nap or something. Wandering up stairs, he passed Ike's room, and his stroll slowed to that of a snails pace. He knew it was all in there, all of it, anything you could ask for, pot, crack, anything, Ike was the best dealer in Middle school, he could get his sneaky little Canadian hands on almost anything, and it was just right there, begging for him to take them and use them._

_ **"If you're sorry than you'll stop!"** _

_What the hell did Stan know? How could he know, his parents were still together, everyone loved him, he was the role model, the child every parent whished they had, but Kyle was just a wallflower, no one noticed the red headed boy at the back of the class with the good grades, no one cared. And just when he thought he found someone to spend the rest of his life with, Stan just up and left him for Wendy. Fuck Wendy, fuck Stan, fuck South Park, he was going to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. He was done trying to impress people with his good grades, he lived life on his own terms now, and these drugs he held in his hand, these where going to open up so many doors._

_Addiction happens so fast, it starts small, just to make myself happy, than next thing you know, you need more stuff, stronger stuff to make the happiness last, you're taking hits two or three times a day. You push people away, because they don't love you, they just say they do, and Kyle was no exception. Within a few months, he was a full blown crack head, snarly with disastrous mood swings and everyone was trying to talk him down, trying to take away the only thing that made him happy anymore, espically Stan. What the hell was he doing? Trying to perform a good deed to get a patch or something? All he did was pester Kyle about his drug use, and every one knew that it was bound to boil over._

_"Kyle, please just stop, I care about you, I don't want to lose you, god only knows what would happen if I lost you." Stan had cornered Kyle as he tried to walk home on day after school_

_"Oh, so now you fucking care about me?" he snarled trying to push Stan aside_

_"I've always cared about you Kyle, I love you."_

_"Oh, save your empathetic bullshit for someone who'll believe it, you left me for Wendy, and now you come crawling back with 'I love you's, it's not going to work pretty boy. No body gives a fuck about me, and I don't see why you should too."_

_"Kyle, please, I love you, just stop, if not for me, than for yourself, for the people who love you."_

_"No on loves me, Stan, I am alone in the world, and I suggest you turn your skinny ass around and high tail it back to Wendy before some real shit goes down. Stop trying to save me from something that only makes me happy."_

_"Kyle, I-"  
"Save it for someone who cares."_

_With that, Kyle pushed Stan aside and continued home_.

"tisk tisk tisk, falling asleep on the job?"

My eyes flickered open to see Damien standing above me, a smirk on his face.

"I'm sorry, My Lord," I choked up trying to stand "I was attacked, by an angel."

"Wow, that must hurt," he smirked and pulled me up

"Burns like nothing I've ever felt before, but I feel better now."

"Better, I've spent the last hour using a good portion of my skills to heal you and wake you up. Now come, walk with me Loki," he motioned for me to walk alongside him, and I didn't miss a beat, in a mere second I was beside him.

"Now, I've been listening to you, Stan, and I heard that you don't know what your doing," he looked up at me and I nodded "well, that's my fault, I sent you away too fast, I didn't get a chance to explain why Eric Cartman is so important, for that, I am sorry."

"No do not apologize, my Lord," I countered quickly

"No, it is my fault, it's all right Loki. Now Eric Cartman, he is a special boy, is he not?" I nodded again "Well, do you know why?"

"No, my lord"  
"He has the heart of a killer, and he's picky, he's not like the whack jobs we possess every day, no, he was born pure like other children, he was born of a tainted relationship, his entire life was tainted from the beginning, and all though his friends tried to relieve him of his ill ways, it didn't work."

"I see,"

"Yes, well, his soul is perfect; he has no regret, and can kill without thinking twice, and his hate is so strong, it makes me quake. That is what makes him perfect."

"Perfect for what my lord?"  
"The coming of the Anti-Christ Loki, I am alive now, I walk the earth, but the time is coming for me to eradicate the Earth, make it mine, pave the way for my Father, and Eric is the key. He is soon to come to his own, I know he is still young, but he will start a genocide that will wipe out a good part of the Earth, the day is coming that he will discover his hidden powers and talent, but there is only one person standing in the way of him discovering his true power."

"And who is that my Lord," I said, a wicked grin upon my face

"Kenny, the blonde boy with the orange hood, Eric loves this boy, and it is love that gets in the way, he will do anything to protect Kenny, and if anything happens to Kenny, say like and untimely and _permanent_ death, it will awaken the dragon the sleeps within him."

"So I am to kill Kenny?" I said softly, a bit confused on my objective

"Yes, but till the moment is right – and you will know when that moment is right – try to keep Eric from becoming good, Kenny is warping his sense of thought, but he must develop such a strong relationship with Kenny that when he dies, he is just a shell of a man, but there will be others who will try to convert him to God."

"Like a priest?"

"No, like friends of his, you'll see, people are quite manipulative, but you must build him up to crack. Warp his mind, kill people he loves, drive him deeper into Kenny's arms, do what you must Loki, prepare him for his destiny."

"Yes, My lord," I bowed deeply

"And be warned, God knows of this too, that is why he kept bringing Kenny back to life when he was younger, and there is only one way for the cycle to end, Kenny must reject his own life, now that will be tricky, if you tell him to wield the knife that kills himself, than it counts as you killing him, you must talk him into it, he must make up his own mind Loki. To make sure you don't succeed, God has placed a guardian angel to protect him. Don't succumb to the Angels lies, he'll try to tell you things and you must remember that all he's doing is trying to trick you into giving up your objective."

"Yes, sir," I bowed once again, my spine starting to hurt a bit. Damien turned to me, placed his arms on my shoulders and looked my straight in the eyes, his dark coal eyes burrowing deeply into mine; it was as if he was trying to read my mind.

"Don't fail us, Loki, the fate of the world rests on your shoulders."

"Yes, my Lord,"

"Now go," he said, I turned and ran off towards Eric's house a new vigor and dread filling me up, excitement for the world's end, slight sorrow for having to kill Kenny, yet, the sorrow wasn't all that great, more of an inconvenience, I guess. But it didn't matter, the end of the world was coming, and I was to help usher it in!

_"Kyle," Stan rocked the frail, thin red headed boy in his arms, kissing his sweaty and feverish forehead multiple times before the boy's eyes flickered open._

_"Stan?" he stuttered weakly looking up at the pale, dark haired boy with sapphire eyes glazed over with tears. It was obvious he'd been up all night, and a pit grew in Kyle's stomach. The pit engulfed his organs and pulled his heart right down, yet it fought to stay up. He could've sworn to god that he'd heard it tear. The pit lurched, and Kyle turned over, feeling his intestines rising, and he vomited all over the floor of Stan's bedroom_

_"Kyle, Kyle," Stan sobbed lightly holding the lurching Kyle around the waist, he was shuddering as badly as the hazed red head, who just fell back into Stan's arms when he felt like an empty shell "fuck, I thought you were never going to wake up, don't do that ever a-fucking-gian"_

_"What?" he stuttered weaseling his way deeper into the muscular boys arms, felling them snake around and hold him close "What happened?"_

_Stan began to choke slightly, tears running down his face as his buried his face into Kyle's curly red hair, even though it smelled as if it hadn't been washed in a couple of days, he didn't doubt it. He'd found Kyle passed out in an ally a few blocked away from the high school. Kyle, who had been missing for the past few days, had last been seen storming out of South Park High after the counselor said he would call his Mother, who was in Denver now, and bring her in to inform her of her son's drug use. But Kyle, who was in fact high at the very moment, just gave him the Craig treatment and stormed out of the office spewing obesities. Stan, who'd been waiting outside for him, took off after him, and when he tried to talk him down, just got the shit kicked out of him, leaving balled up on the high school hall floor, bleeding profusely, trying not to cry._

_"Nothing, you just, wandered off, and no one could find you. We were just scared, but don't worry, you're safe now, I will never let anything hurt you." Stan whispered into the boy he loved's ears, holding him tighter as he began to shudder again_

_"Stan, you smell like blood, why?" Kyle turned over and reached for the Terrance and Phillip lamp that sat on Stan's bed side table, but Stan pulled his hand away._

_"I'm just on my period, lover boy, don't worry about it." He smiled and kissed Kyle's forehead again_

_"You're calling me lover boy again, Stan, does that mean you're done with Wendy?" he said sheepishly, resting his head on the man he loved's chest, listening to his heart thump, never wanting to leave Stan's warm and protecting arms, but Stan didn't feel as safe and secure. The truth was that Wendy still didn't know that Kyle was the one man he loved most in the world, but couldn't admit yet. Stan was still a bit homophobic and scared of the reaction of his parents. If they were anything like Butter's parents, he'd be screwed beyond all rational belief; he couldn't deal with being disowned right now._

_"Basically," he lied, biting down on his lip a bit too hard, because the stitches he'd received from Kyle's left hook broke on one side, causing it too bleed_

_"Stan?" Kyle said softly looking up at him_

_"Yeah?" he replied looking down at the pathetic looking boy's face, his emerald eyes were wide, an there was a smirk on his face, which he couldn't help but mimicking_

_"Can I," he paused and took a sharp breath "kiss you?"_

_"You don't need to ask,"_

_Kyle slowly creeped up Stan's chest and snake his arms around the back of his neck. Stan, as if on cue, put his hands on his lover's boney hips and gave his once round, now nearly completely flat, ass a small squeeze like he use to. Kyle squeaked and leapt up in surprise, a devilish grin on his face. A comforting feeling washed over him, and he stopped shaking, and it was as if the worst was over now. Pulling Stan closer to him, Kyle lightly caressed his's cheek with his lips. The soft touch on his skin was something Stan hadn't felt in months, and it sent him into a fit of pleasure. He felt himself getting harder, and his heart pounding in his chest, which was so strong that Kyle felt it even though he was no longer pressed against Stan's muscular chest. As Stan's grip on his hips tightened, Kyle moved over to kiss his lips. The first kiss was soft, which was cute and all, but Stan wanted fiery passion. He was a naturally fiery person, and his love was no different, moving his right hand from Kyle's hip to the nape of his neck, he pressed his head forward, intensifying the kiss. Catching the hint, Kyle stopped holding back and began to hold Stan tightly as the two boys soon began to make out, hands flying over every inch of their bodies. Lost time was being caught up as Kyle pulled of his own shirt, tossing it aside, and began to fumble with Stan's, but he just pushed Kyle's hands away._

_"Why?" he pouted still tugging at the shirt_

_"Why now? Come on," Stan replied quickly unbuttoning Kyle's pants and trying to pull them down_

_"Oh, we don't screw for a couple of months and suddenly you can't wait one more second." He whispered kissing Stan's neck_

_"I haven't been able to wait since the first time I saw you in gym class after we stopped." He breathlessly replied_

_"But that was the next day during second hour."_

_"I know."_

_Kyle began to laugh and run his hands down Stan's chest than running his tongue over his lip in a seductive manor, but instead of trying to act attractive, his attention was drawn to the taste of his lips. It was a metallic taste, warm and foreign. Reaching over, he turned on the light, and felt Stan's hand grasp his wrist, roughly._

_"hold on, we can play in a second, I think I cut my lip." Kyle dabbed his lip with his finger, and there was defiantly, yet he didn't feel the sting of a cut on his lip. "Odd," he shrugged and looked back down at Stan. "HOLY FUCK!" he exclaimed jumping right off of the bed "Stan you're covered in fucking blood dude!"_

_Stan looked away, didn't even try and stop the steady blood flow that had erupted from his lip. "It's not that bad, seriously, just…I didn't want you to turn on the light." He looked up at Kyle, who's hands and flown up to his mouth_

_"Dude, you have a black eye, and stitches and bruises, what happened, did you get hit by a car? Seriously!"_

_"Nothing, it's nothing, I just…got in a fight, forget about it." Stan said going to shut off the light again_

_"Don't. Take off your shirt, right now." He commanded, and Stan just sighted pulling the shirt off as commanded. Kyle gasped again._

_Stan was covered in purple splotches the size of fists, some a lot worse than others. Black, blue, purple, green, he was like a walking rainbow._

_"Who did this to you Stan?" Kyle growled angrily "Was it that douche Clyde? I'm going to go hunt him down and beat the shit out of him, no one does this to you and gets away with it. Who the hell does he think he is? Just because his family is sort of rich," Stan looked down, not saying anything, he had to do something, he couldn't let Clyde get the shit beat of out him for nothing, could he? Kyle could get sent to juvenile hall, the red head had a short temper and would probably do a good number on him, especially since it was for Stan._

_"it wasn't Clyde," Stan said softly propping himself up_

_"than who was it? Tweek? Token? Craig? Who?'_

_"I-I can't tell you." He stuttered, maybe if he didn't say anything Kyle wouldn't hurt anyone_

_"Tell me, or I'll find out on my own, you hear me Stan, I'll beat the shit out of every boy in our grade to find out who. If you don't tell me, I'll find out on my own damn it."_

_"It was….it was…" he stuttered, pressure welling behind his eyes as he forced himself not to cry_

_"Tell me, Stan, please," Kyle pulled Stan's hands away from his eyes and held them in his hands, the hands that had done most of the damage on his body. But the way he held his hands, he wan gentile by nature, but if anyone got in his way or hurt someone he loved, he wouldn't hesitate in beating them up. Could he tell Kyle? No, he couldn't, he seems safe now, Stan knew he was the last string, he knew that without him, Kyle would just revert back to drugs. To keep him safe, like he wanted, he'd have to break up with Wendy, which was something he wouldn't mind doing, and never tell Kyle that he beat the shit out of him. If he did those two things, Kyle would be safe, Stan knew he'd go to rehab for him._

_"Stan," he said putting hand on his chest landing on a bruise, which caused Stan to hiss in pain. Kyle looked down and tears began to well in his eyes. The hand shaped bruise that Stan had gotten when Kyle pushed him up against the wall was right under his hand. It was a perfect match and Kyle new this_

_"Stan, did…did I do this to you?" he said softly matching up the bruises to his fists and his hands. "And please, don't lie to me."_

_'I have to lie! I have to!' Stan's thoughts screamed, but his honestly police kicked it before his thoughts could_

_"I have to,"_

_Kyle began to sob and stepped away from the bed, hyperventilating_

_"Kyle, stop, don't, listen, it was an accident, you were….you were high, it was my fault, I…I…"_

_But he just stared at Stan, pupils dilated, small dots and his mouth hung open. His chest hurt again, the same sinking feeling. He' hurt Stan, he'd hurt him bad. The bruises were from his fists, the cuts and pain, it was his fault. He had hurt the one man that he loved, the one man that he felt anything for. Grabbing his shirt, Kyle sobbed and ran out the door._

_:"Kyle? Kyle!" Stan yelled running out after him, but the red head was faster, his legs were longer and he was far gone by the time Stan had reached the front door of his house._

_"Kyle, Kyle," he sobbed the red head's name over and over, collapsing onto the cement, heaving and obviously in pain._

Stupid fucking angel, ruining everything, I couldn't even follow Eric into Kenny's house anymore. He stood guard, always picking me out from the shadows, staring me down with an almost sad stare. That stare hurt me for some reason beyond my comprehension, the way his emerald eyes filled with tears of silver, sometimes they ran down his freckled cheeks, and it was appealing.

NO, damn it! Don't forget, he'll do anything to kill me he has an objective just as I do. He needs to keep that blonde bastard alive, he needs to stop the inevitable, but that is what it is, inevitable!

But….but…I don't know, that angel, looking at him hurt me. He seemed like someone I would have known long ago, someone that I might have been friends with, maybe even loved?  
No, demons don't love, neither do angels, they are just pawns to a higher will. God this was boring, I hated watching Eric, because that's all it was, watching, interaction was out of the question.

"Damn," I muttered wiping the blood from my horns from my eyes "This is taking for-god-damn-ever,"

"Bored?"

"_**MOTHERFATHERFUCKERAUNT!" **_I screamed jumping a foot and loosing my balance, falling off the building, but she caught my foot and just lifted me back up as if it were nothing.

"Wow, you're a jumpy little shit, aren't you?" she smiled a toothy grin. She didn't have a mouth full of fangs like me, but she did have enlarged canines.

"Who the fuck are you?" I barked pulling my ankle away from her grasp and floating upside down midair.

"I'm Frodi."

She was a little too cheery for my taste, large toothy grin plastered on her face, and she was short, only about five foot one at most, the same skull horns that bled, dark clothes with hair hanging in her right eye. Normally you could see the eye through the hair, but with hers you couldn't, it was just…empty.

"Got it snatched out for being disobedient!" She squealed brushing her hair away to reveal a still bleeding empty eye socket

"That how you died?" I muttered looking back at the angel, who just kept staring in my direction

"Nope, silt me throat, see?" she pulled her shirt away from her throat to reveal a long crimson slash

"Nice?"

I was a bit confused about this girl, she just appeared out of fucking no where, kept chattering like a retarded squirrel. She was quite pretty though, maybe demons could be with other demons, it was certinally something I'd have to look into. But for right now…  
"Frodi, yeah, why the fuck are you here?" He said interrupting her pathetic life story

"Right, so Master Damien said that you'd be having problems killing Kenny, so he sent me up here. I'm supposed to be the next reaper, you know, fun, fun killing shit, the works, but…." And she was off chattering again. Stan clawed at the sides of his head, the buzzing over her voice deeply penetrating even the darkest depths of his mind, triggering some strange scene in his head, something that, when he shut his eyes, still played brightly.

_"Hey Kenny!" a cheery looking sophista-goth said with a large toothy smile to the blonde boy surrounded by his friends_

_"Oh, hey Ophelia," he said nervously, unsure how to really talk to his recent stalker_

_"Yeah hey," she chirped nervously, the dark haired boy and red head from the picture, muffled laughter as Ophelia chattered on nervously. Eric stared on in disapproval, ticked that some chick was trying to move in on his man. After a couple of minutes of her inaudible chattering, she got to her point_

_"I was wondering, Kenny, if..um…" she cleared her throat "you wanted to go to dinner and a movie Friday, you know, a date?"_

_Kenny glanced around, his eyes empathetic, he placed both hands on her shaking shoulders and stared her straight down_

_"Ophelia, I've told you a thousand times, I'm b gay /b , I have a b boyfriend /b , and I would like to stay faithful to him, you know. But I want to be your friend."  
"Oh, I..I see." She said looking away "well, you know, doesn't hurt to try!"_

_"Says you," Eric grumbled, cracking his knuckles_

_"Eric, stop," Kenny muttered waving him off and Ophelia took that distraction to brush past Kenny and the rest of the group, crying audible "Ophelia! Ophelia wait!" he cried reaching out to her, but she just gave him the finger and kept walking._

_"Let the bitch walk, Ken, she'll be fine, she's just melodramatic, just like all those other dirty Goths, as bad as fucking hippies they are." Eric shook his head and crossed his arms._

_Ophelia Niche was later found dead in her room, throat slit, with a note that red:_

_**Without light, the flower withers** _

_Only the boys knew what it meant. _

"Oh, shut the hell up already Ophelia!" He shouted in a high pitched tone which lacked the hissing of the snake he'd grown accustomed too.  
"What?" she whispered, raising her eyebrow slightly, shoulders hunched

"I honestly don't know where the hell that came from." I muttered shocked at the voice that had come from my mouth, it sounded like the black haired boys. Maybe I was channeling spirits or something; then again, I was a spirit.

"Anyways," she sang, elongating the 'ay' "What's the plan, are we going to go down there and slit all their throats, maybe disembowel them with plastic sporks?"

"In all honestly, I don't know, why do you ask?"

"It's taking too long, he should be dead by now, long dead, I am not a very patient person." She cracked her back loudly and crossed her arms, a scowl scrunching up her face

"Yes well, these things take time, you know." I growled lowering myself down

"Bull, just go down there and tear him a new one." She cried, gesturing towards the building

"All right, Frodi, you see that bright light down there with the red hair and freckles?" I said pointing her head towards the Angel

"Yes'm." she said biting her lip

"that is an Angel, do you know what Angels can do to you?"  
"Nope, what?"

I moaned and cradled my head in my hands "Frodi, they can hurt you, bad, I got attacked by one a few weeks ago and he burned my flesh right up, and that's just by touching me, imagine what he could do if he set his fucking mind to it."

"Bad shit?"

"Yes some bad shit would go down."

"All right,"

"Also, he needs to kill himself, he can't kill him, or else," I made the special effect noise for regeneration "back to life he comes."

"So, he's like Jesus."

"No, he's just one lucky fucker."

"I see," she said hunching her body down like mine  
We stared down at the broken down house for a few moments before Eric and Kenny stumbled into view, their clumsy hands caressing their half naked bodies, lips pressed against lips, flesh against flesh, smiling and laughing, they were happy, and it made me sick. Had Frodi not been there, I would have gotten violently ill and began to cry, for reasons unknown to me, my heartstrings just being tugged every which way all at once.

"Which one is Kenny?" she said whispered into my ear, leaning on my shoulder. I popped it up, shrugging her unwanted female flesh away; I didn't want any contact anymore.

"The one with the blonde hair," I muttered sourly, my eye fixated on the angel once again. Fiery anger pulsated throughout my entire body, wave after wave shot through me until I could no longer stand it. Without saying one word I slid off of the roof of the house landing roughly on the snow, and to my surprise, it began to melt, hot steam rising around me.

"Woah, Loki!" Frodi shouted, and there was an audible crunch from behind me, either she fell flat on her face, or she had made an indent in the snow "Not to worry! My face broke my fall!"

"God fucking damn it." I growled in a horse voice, balling my fists up, eye twitching in anger. My fingernails dug deep into my palms, crimson lava bursting forth mixing with the blood from the jagged wounds on my arms.

"Loki, stop, come on, we shouldn't be doing this!" She screeched, grabbing onto my arm and trying to pull me back. Her hands were freezing, as if they were made of solid ice, and where her hands were, began to become numb, my hand fell limp.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I hissed turning around, glaring at her with the most intensity I could muster, her steel eyes were wide and filled with pity and sadness.

"I know what you're doing Loki, you can't go to him." She said softly, still not letting go  
"What are you talking about?" I snarled trying to rip my arm away, but she was strong, much stronger than she looked, a scowl plastered on her face

"You're cute Loki," she shook her head and let go "but you're fucked in the head, you can't give in to the feelings you feel inside, you're a book, boy, and everyone can read you. You might not remember, but you still act like you use to, just as I do. And you will remember, that's why I'm here, once you remember, you will fail. I'm not scared to sacrifice myself for you, you hear me? It's not because I like you or anything, it's because you are the only one that can do this."

"What the hell are you talking about? You don't make any fucking sense." I snarled pushing her away

"You love him Loki, and all he's doing is taking so much away from inside of you, you know that? It makes no sense, because I know you know that you don't remember, and he can't really guide you to your memories."

I licked my lips, and stared her right down. Was she implying that I was gay? That was a hearty laugh, but she kept babbling right on about how I was in love with this angel. Maybe she was right, I couldn't get him out of my head; there was something about him that not only brought an untamable fury but also a sense of calmness and rest that I hadn't felt in such a long time.

"Listen, Frodi, here, I have an idea," I said putting my finger to her still babbling lips as I watched Eric starting to get ready "Kenny can see us, all right? Can you make yourself look like a human female, I mean, I assume you've been a demon much longer than I, correct?"

"Yeah, and I sort of can, but I can't do it for very long, it's sort of…strenuous."

"Teach me." I said lowly

"What?"

"Teach me."

"Right now?"

"no, not right now, he's right there, he can see us, but he can't hear us." I motioned towards the angel

"Oh, right yeah."

"Meet me tonight at Eric's house, it's just down the road a bit, it's the green house."

"What time?"  
"One, in the morning, he's usually asleep by then."

"What does him being asleep have to do with anything?"

"Frodi, I think he'd be a little freaked if two people magically appeared in the middle of his room, all right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So, I'll see you then, right?" she said softly, looking up at me with her large steel eyes, she was obviously flirting, but I just found it obnoxious

"Indeed," I muttered clearing my throat and following Eric as he waved goodbye to Kenny.


	6. Born For this

Crossing my arms, I sighed. I felt horrible for poor Kyle, he just moped around since his encounter with Stan, and I guess I half blamed myself for that. Should have guessed that he wouldn't be the same, the way he looked at the photographs that one day. His eyes had lost all spark, they didn't even sparkle like they use to when Kyle was round, now, they just were glazed over, eyebrows furrowed, mouth in a snarl, it wasn't pretty.

"Hey Kyle," I said collapsing down onto my bed

"Hey," he said lowly, sitting down next to me

"What's with the long face, Mr. Grumpy?"

He barely looked over at me, just sat there; shoulders hunched staring at the floor, sighing audibly. The look on his face like that of someone who has given up all hope, all because of Stan, but it wasn't like I couldn't blame the boy. Kyle had put him through so much shit when he was alive; it was just as if the tables were turned. I'd seen that look on Stan's face for so long; I'd forgotten what his smile looked like. While I was sympathetic towards Kyle, I sort of feel as if he deserves his for making Stan jump through hoop after hoop just to get shot down and pushed deeper into the hole Kyle had dug for him.

"Stan still doesn't recognize you?"

He didn't say a word, just nodded and gripped the sheets tighter, turning his head away. He was crying though because I could hear him squeak and choke on the silver tears that ran down his face and pool on the floor.

"Hey, hey, don't cry," I bolted up and attempted to put my arm around him, but it just went right through. That's what sucks about having a friend whose dead, physical contact is non existent, so consoling them is exceedingly difficult "don't worry, you just have to jog his memory, it's like someone who has amnesia, give them little hints."

"But I tried that," he sobbed biting his lip

"No,_ little_ hints Kyle, not jumping on top of him, that probably scared the hell out of him, that's why it's no wonder why he clawed you." I chuckled slightly, but instead of giggling along, he just shot me a glare of warning "alright, alright, sorry, jeeze."

"It isn't that Kenny, I _hurt_ him bad, like really bad, he was screaming in pain," he ran his hands over his freckled face and moaned into his hands "it was the third worst thing I've ever seen."

"After?" I motioned for him to go on, but I knew that he was always reluctant to talk about his and Stan's relationship, not that it was a big surprise, they both hurt each other pretty bad, and leaving deep mental scars that would rip open bleeding even if lightly touched.

"The time I realized I kicked the shit out of him and the time I tried to kill him." He sighed pushing his hands away from his face and through his curly hair

"You tried to _kill_ Stan?" I whispered. This was news to me! Stan and Kyle always seemed like the perfect dysfunctional couple, sure they got into fist fights and yelled a lot, but isn't that like all relationships? Fistfights are romantic at times, because when you're done, all aggressions are out, and you get to kiss all of the boo-boo's better. But yeah, premeditated murder? That doesn't sound like Kyle at all. He must have been high or drunk or something.

"I wasn't drunk or high either Kenny and I don't really want to talk about it right now, ok?"

"I wasn't going to press the matter, so don't worry about it, I just want to get you better fast."

"And how do you propose we do that?" he cocked his head to the side and stared for the longest time right past me, out the window, down towards Cartman's house.

"Forget about him, I mean, he's a dirty rotten scumbag who hurt you, right? Just leave him for the wolves;" Flicking my wrist for emphasis I smirked "he seems to have already found another girlfrie-" A pair of large pale hands found their way to my throat, and surprisingly didn't go right through

"Don't fucking say that Kenny,** don't ever fucking say that** !" he screamed tightening his grip on my throat

"Uncle! Uncle!" I cried as I felt my skin being to sear, the fate of God's hands, fire and brimstone was wrapped around my throat as Kyle sobbed and glared at the same time, after a few moments of really studying my face, the glare faded away and he dropped me.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, falling back onto the bed again, his body limp and face washed clean of all emotion, just the pathetic look of a lost child "it's just I couldn't forget him even if I wanted to. I've been waiting for him since I died, you know? I've been waiting for him to die, so that we could be together again, but you know what? I fucked that up. I fucked up our relationship in life, and than thanks to that shit I fucked up having a happy relationship in the afterlife. I can't sleep at night anymore because all I can think about is him, I can't stop crying, and whenever I look in the mirror now, all I can see is this hideous scar he gave me, and it reminds me of all the times we've hurt each other."

Moaning he began to poke at the three long slashes across his face. See, I would have felt sorry for him and such, but right at this moment, my throat was on fire and there were two large hands prints around my neck, which would raise some concern throughout the school, as well as Eric going basically ballistic when he sees them and pestering me till I tell him how I got them, and even if I did tell him the truth, who'd believe that my dead friend gave these to me? No one, so I guess I was just plain fucked.

"Sorry about that," he said wiping a tear away from his eye and rubbing it on my throat

"Thank you? Strange customs you Jews have." I laughed slightly

"No, r-tard, feel your throat," he sighed rolling his eyes

Being wary of the pain that came along with firmly gripping my throat, I lightly touched it, yet felt no pain, I didn't even feel the deep groves from his fingerprints, my throat didn't burn either.

"Yeah, tears sort of heal," he smirked

"If I could hug your right now I would, but," I looked down to the silver pool on the floor than back up to his scarred face "why didn't you fix your face?"

"I could if I wanted to, but I don't, you know, sort of like Gwain wearing the green sash after his encounter with the Green Knight, it's sort of my penance, I hurt him, and his reminds me that I did."

"You are one weird son-of-a-bitch," I laughed trying to lighten the mood. I always tried to do that, everything always got so tense with Kyle, he was so serious all the time anymore, as soon as they decided that they 'didn't want to be children anymore' they became a bit unfun for me, I still liked to kid around, I was immature, and that was one of the reasons why Cartman loved me.

"Thank you?"

"You are welcome, young padawan." He gave me a deep bow

"Young padawan? I wanted to be Obi-wan-kinobi this time, he get's all the pussy!"

"Does not, Luke Skywalker does,"

"Yeah, his sisters,"

"Good point"

"Yeah, but at the same time, it's sort of kinky, and as we all know, kinky is good, it'd be like watching you and Ike get it on!"

"That's nasty, and incorrect, Ike is my i adoptive /i brother, meaning that he isn't really related to me."

"Still be kinky as fuck,"

"And pedophilic as well as he'd be a necrophiac, you know that right?"

"But dead people can be sexy too Kyle, I mean, if Cartman was dead, I'd still fuck him."

"Dude, you'd fuck anything on two legs, dead i or /i alive."

"Indeed, young padawan!"

"Hey, fuck you, you're the young padawan!"

"But I don't want to fuck my sister!"

"We already went over this, no more incest!"

"Foo, you take the fun out of everything you Jew!"

"Damn, Cartman is wearing off on you."

"Jew!" I screamed pointing at him, and then he did something that he hadn't done in weeks, he smiled an honest to god, happy smile. He was genuinely happy.

"Thanks Kenny," he said ruffling my hair

"It is no problem, young padajew."

"I think Star Wars references should die soon."

"Ah, that's just because you're no fun."

"Not turn the mood sour, or anything, but what do you think I should do about Stan, you know, how should I jog his memory?"

"Sex?"

"Um, something a little more subtle."

"Right, what about playing his favorite song, or something that has relevance to your relationship." I shrugged and began to play Jedi whilst my young padajew mulled over my idea. Humming and buzzing, I hissed play hitting him with the imaginary light saber; all he did was wave me away as he continued thinking. He seemed pulled straight into a corner, as if he couldn't think, I would have thought that four years wouldn't be that long to the dead, seeing as they are awake for all eternity, which probably blew a great deal, but here he sat, still mulling over my idea, ten minutes after I had proposed it.

"All right, Kyle, when did you first realize that you loved Stan, like mutually, when did you two, you know, know," I said jumping on the bed behind him, still fighting off imaginary clone forces

"Well, I guess it was sort of when I was really sick when I was younger, you remember, you got all pissed because Stan was more upset that I was going to die than he ever was of your deaths?"

"How can I forget, that bastard didn't even come see me before I really died that one time, lucky I can back, eh?"

"Yeah well, but that's when I realized that we were even more than super best friends, I guess I began figuring that I was more to him that anyone could ever be, and I've always felt the same way about him."

"But you might want to do something a bit more…recent, like before you died, when you guys had an actual relationship, like did you go to any dances? Do anything romantic? You know, stuff like that."

Kyle cocked his head to the side, and bit his lip. There was something going on inside his haloed head, something he probably would never say out loud, but it was in there, festering and growing. He was smart, that one, always pondering and plotting, he was always the most sensible one of our group, always knew which way things were going.

"Well?"

"I don't know Ken," he sighed rolling his head over so that he was staring at me with half of his face covered by his loose curls.

"Come on, what do you have to lose?"

"Nothing, I guess,"

"Well then, go to him, bring him around, bring him back here," I stood up on the bed, right foot up in a Captain Morgan pose, one hand on my hip, the other pointing forward in some superhero pose "show me what undead sex is like!"

"You really need to get your hormone levels checked buddy." He said lightly smacking his forehead chortling.


	7. Love Song

I paced around Eric's room as he lay in bed, curled up with a beaten up stuffed frog, it looked like a cheap imitation of Kermit the frog and had obviously been loved in it's prime point of 'life'. Frodi was pacing around behind me, trying to explain the advanced levels of concentration required doing a transformation such as this, and that it could takes years of practice to perfect. Yet, as crucial as this one thing was to the plan, I couldn't help but think back to earlier tonight, that voice that erupted from my strained vocal cords, the suppressed image, was it a memory from when I lived? Could it possibly be that I knew something that I was reluctant to share? Did that even make sense?

"And even with the practice, you still might not be able to do it, it might just be something I figured out how to do, and-"

"Frodi?" I said softly, stopping my pacing and staring directly at her

"Yeah?"

"I don't remember,"

Scrunching up her face and placing her forefinger and thumb upon her chin, she studied me for a while, steel grey eye fluttering about.

"I'm not sure I understand, Loki-san." she said in an overenthusiastic tone

"Exactly, neither do I, but…" I moaned in frustration "never mind, let's just get started on this, shall we?"

"We shall, now first things first, pick a form, any form, but make sure you are some how attached to this form, the more attached you are, the easier it is."

"How the hell do I know I'm attached to it?" Sighing in exasperation, I pinched the bridge of my nose with the same fingers she hand placed on her chin

"How am I supposed to know, it's your mind, not mine." Her hands fell to her side and she cocked her head to the side while I just huffed away in anger.  
"I'm doing the best I can here, it's not like you're helping at all."

"I'm doing my best as well, you're just an idiot!" She screamed pushing my shoulder

"Shut the hell up Kyle!" I screamed, the high pitched voice erupting from my vocal cores again. Instantaneously, I clasped my mouth shut with my hands began to swear profusely in my mind

"You are one weird little boy," she smirked evilly, she knew something, and she wasn't going to tell me "Now, let's try this, close your eyes, and tell me what you see, persons wise."

Rolling my eyes at how ridiculous the request was, I obliged. As soon as my lids came in contact with each other, the darkness that surrounded me was vaporized and all I could see was the bright light and that Angel…that wonderful…handsome…lovely…ACK!

Shaking my head a couple of times, my eye lids shot open and I began to growl lowly, a new habit I'd recently formed.

"Well?" She said clapping her hands together and leaning forward in an expecting manor

"I saw a boy with dark hair, blue eyes, brown and red jacked, blue and red hat that looked pretty much torn to shit." I lied. Lair, lair pants on fire. Doesn't matter, I'm already in hell.

"All right, now connect with him."

Was she serious? I was just like a USB port to a computer, I'm just to 'download' him? That was dumb!

"How the hell do you propose I do that?"

"You tell me," she smirked that god awful smile again and giggled

"Be glad you're already dead because I would kill if you if you weren't."

"You're funny," she said poking my nose "Now there must be a reason why you'd be connect with him, something you i remember /i ."

"Nope, nothing," Lie.

"Not a thing?"

"Besides what he looks like, I have no clue," lie

"Well, that sucks, then just concentrate on what he looks like, it's the same principal as your 'powers' as you so eloquently called them. Just focus."

Sighing loudly, I closed my eyes and began to concentrate on what the boy looked like, but all I could get was blurred features. Just the basic outline, blurred away by the angel, I had nothing.  
"All right, stop, stop," she cried "you're not doing it right, watch."

I cracked my eyelids open a sliver and watched as her angry face calmed, face muscles relaxed, hands to her sides, fingers spread, mouth completely open. For a long time, nothing happened; it completely confused me, the way she just stood there looking like a complete dumb ass.

"I can't believe I believed her," I sighed shaking my head, but a loud cracking noise caught my attention, and my head shot up. Frodi was shrinking slightly, her too long limbs becoming a normal size, horns shrinking back, the blood stopping and virtually vaporizing, her hair went from a dull dark grey to a lush black with bright white tips, her fangs shrinking, claws retreating back into her fingers, the empty eye socket filled with layer after layer of human eye, till it looked natural. Opening her eyes, I realized that they were no longer grey but where a brilliant shade of greenish blue.

"Holy_ shit!_" I exclaimed poking her a few times, she was completely solid "Can you…you know, be normal or whatever?"

"Completely solid, watch," she walked over and began to move things around

"yeah I can do that too, but can you make an imprint in the snow?"

"Well, let's see, shall we?" Striding over in an almost floating manor, she pulled herself up onto the ledge of the window and crouched there staring at the slush on the ground.

"Scared?"

"Just of how much noise my body will make when I hit the floor," she moaned shifting her weight from the balls of her feet to the heels so that she lost balance and fell off of the ledge. Surprisingly, she didn't land on her face, but her feet, and even sank into the ground. Raising her hands into the air, she did a victory lap, leaving foot print after foot print in the snow.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I gasped a smile creeping across my face "that's the shit!" The smile she wore on her face was brilliant, radiant, and contagious. Cheek muscles trembling slightly, a smile was unwillingly forced onto my face. Maybe Frodi wasn't that bad, ah who was I kidding, she was horrible, annoying, loud, and generally unpleasant, but I guess that's what I liked about her. That and I felt a little less insane with her around, and that was always good.

Out on the lawn, she'd fallen to her knees, body going into spasms, arms jerking and jolting, I could hear the sickening crack of bones from here. That was the one part I wasn't excited for, shudders doing glissandos up and down my spine. No amount of glory could ever have me relive the pain of becoming a demon, especially the part where my shoulder blades tore through my skin. Heaving a few times, I clutched my empty stomach, the shudders increasing as the thoughts of the pain clouded my mind.

"Way to…ugh…help me you….bastard," Frodi growled pulling herself up into the window, glaring at me with one eye

"Shut the hell up," I moaned, doubling over

"Aww, Loki a little sicky-poo?" she cooed sarcastically

"Shut up!" I yelled grinding my teeth together

"Come on, you pansy, you must channel your inner person," she pushed her middle fingers and thumbs together and imitated a Buddhist

"I can't 'channel' him Frodi, all right? I can't remember the guy,"

"Fine, just focus on one thing at a time and we'll go from there."

Over the next week, something strange began to happen to me, something even stranger than normal. The more I practiced becoming solid, the more I got these strange flashbacks, random clips of a time long passed, and as the flashes become more and more frequent, the more agitated I became with the world around me. I'd begun to neglect Eric completely, I refused to go near Kenny's house, I always sent Frodi out, she had to get use to that place.

It was late again; Eric was asleep, safely tucked into his bed, hugging the frog, and I was alone. But unlike the alone I was use to, this alone was welcome, the screeching of Frodi's voice drove me to near madness on a regular basis and she hadn't left me alone since we began 'training'. I was laying on my back, staring at the ceiling, kicking Eric's night stand over and over, making not a sound, barely jiggling over the clock and CD player. Closing my eyes, I sighed, relaxing every muscle in my body, it was so peaceful, silent, without Frodi around everything was perfect. Not that she wasn't a nice person, she was just unbelievably persistent and happy, and all I'd seemed to be envisioning lately was he redheaded boy in the hospital, all these cords and tubs hooked up to him, and it made me sad. I shouldn't be sad, it was dumb, I didn't know who half of these kids were and I should care less about all these things, but I didn't. It was dumb, this whole thing as dumb.

"Fuck!" I screamed kicking the table hard, something made a clicking sound and next thing I knew music was drifting through the air.

"DAMN IT!" I screamed groping for the CD player, trying not to wake Eric, but it wasn't on, the music was coming from somewhere else, out side.

It was mostly drums, a Jamaican sounding beat on a guitar and a synthesizer, slow like a dirge, sad sounding, but the lyrics, they were something different.

i Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I'm home again, whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again /i

Slipping out of the window, I began to investigate the source of the music. I prowled the yard, hunched over like a raptor searching for his meal. My heart began to pain again, it was deep this time. The brush in front of the house began to rustle, causing my ears to prick up, and my eyes to narrow to slits. Slowly waking over, I noticed two auras, one a brilliant white the other a soft pink, I knew it was the angel and Kenny, I could smell the cheep oil and cologne mixture the boy used.

"I know you're there, show yourselves," I hissed, grinding my teeth together, spreading my claws, ready for any attack.

"Maybe we should leave,"

"No, damn it,"

"Come on,"

"Get your ass out there."

"No!"

"Yes, get out there!"

"No!"  
"Damn it, Kyle, get your ass out there,"

"Fine, no need to swear at me,"

The angel rose, trembling, out of fear? No his aura was still a light pink, fear invoked a grey aura, I was confused to say the least, he just stood there trembling, eyes focused on the ground. Was he going to attack? Maybe this was just some sort of strange ploy to confuse me. I crouched down, twisting my face up even more to show him that I wasn't going to let him get the best of me.

"What do you want?" I yelled pulsating slightly

The angel looked around, biting his lip, trembling. When he finally did look at him, I was nearly blown off my feet, my heart liquefied in my chest, those eyes, brilliant green, full of hope and pain, a good sadness, possibly worry as well.

"Get out there," I heard Kenny hiss, and the angel was pushed forward, stumbling and shaking.

"I-I don't want t-to fight you," he stuttered, looking down to the ground again

"What?" I chirped, my hands falling to my sides

"I-I don't want to fight you, Stan…er Loki, I just want to talk."

It was a trick! It had to be! Just want to talk my ass! He was going to try and stop me here and now! I resumed my position.  
"Loki…Stan…whoever the hell you are, stop, please, I don't want to fight, you have my word."

"You word means nothing to me, and stop calling me Stan, I am Loki!" I yelled

"Loki, please, just…tell me what to do, tell me what I have to do to prove to you that I just want to talk!" he pleaded, the hope in his eyes diminishing

"I don't know, I can't trust you, as you can't trust me,"

"That's not true, I trust you,"

Huh? What? I barely know this guy and he trusts me? I guess it comes with being from Heaven, virtues and all. But, he…he seemed to be telling the truth, I couldn't decide, let my guard down for possible attack or let this guy talk. I guess talking can do no harm. I let my hands flop down to my sides and I stood up straight, cracking my back a few times.

"All right then, let's talk…erm…what's you're name?" I cocked my head to the side and stayed a safe distance from the Angel. He looked a little hurt, and taken back, but after a deep breath in then a sigh, he looked fine.

"My name is Kyle Broflovski," he held his hand out, I just stared at it. Nuh-uh, no way in_** HELL**_ was I going to touch that beasts flesh. Getting the hint from my angry stares, he retracted his hand "I already know you're Loki."

"Well, Kyle, may I ask you, why do you keep calling me Stan?" I said getting a little closer to him, trying to study his face for any inconsistencies that could warn me of a possible attack

"A long time ago, I was in love with a boy whose name was Stan, and you remind me so much of him and well, I just feel a bit better calling you Stan." He said with a smile, a smile that reminded me so much of the red head in my memories, Stan must have been the dark haired boy that I often saw in my mind.

"I see, what's with the music?"

He looked at me with a smile and laughed slightly "Well this is going to sound dumb, but I was wondering if you would dance with me."

I felt my right eyebrow raise and my face twist into a strange smirk. It had to be the oddest request I'd ever heard, and besides, that bastard hurt me every time he touched me, it had to be a trap.

"I swear to God I won't hurt you, I just want to dance."

"You are a freak," I laughed at his ridiculous request

"No, I'm serous, the only reason I burned you is because I was so excited, my emotions control the most of my powers, I swear, see," He lurched forward and grabbed onto my forearm. Reeling back I was about to punch him right in the face when I realized that he was right, it didn't burn, it just felt…good.

"So what do you say, please?" He gave me the god damn puppy dog face, I hate that face, hate it, hate it! Eric used it on his Mom to get whatever he wanted, and girls used it on guys to get whatever they wanted, and I knew I was weak, because Frodi gave it to me all the time to get what she wanted.

"Fine, you ridiculous piece of shit," I moaned in anger

"I know, it's stupid, but it's something I just feel like I need to do."

As he approached me, my entire body stiffened up like a cadaver, I was on alert mode, awaiting for a pain that didn't come.

I heard Kenny giggle from behind the bush as the ang…I mean _Kyle_ placed his hands on my hips and turned a brilliant shade of scarlet.

"P-put your hands on my shoulders," he said softly, and I did. His body began to shift weight from one foot to the other and I mimicked what he did, shifting weight from left to right till I realized we were whirling in a slow circle to the beat of the song, which had been put onto repeat.

After a few moments, he pulled himself closer and wrapped his arms around my waist, placing his head in the crook between my neck and shoulder. Thought no blood coursed through my veins, I felt my face grow hot, and my pulse quicken. A strange feeling welling up inside of me, deep within the pit of my stomach, as if a thousand bats were trying to force their way out of my stomach, up my esophagus, and out my mouth, yet nothing happened after I gagged a couple of times. Kyle laughed slightly and began to snuggle up to me, and I couldn't help but smile, and before I knew it, I was holding him up tight against me. All feelings of anger, all the confusing flashes, the lonely feeling I'd grown so use to, all of it when away when he was in my arms.

"Dawww, it's so cute!" Kenny squealed from the brush, but I didn't care. I didn't, I could care less that he was an angel, I could care less that he was my mortal enemy, I felt different when I was with him.  
"Loki," he said softly pushing back so that he was looking straight into my eyes. I knew what he wanted, he didn't need to say it, so I hushed him with one finger on his lips and smiled. Returning the smile, he inched his face closer to mine, his breath hot on my lips. Was this heaven? Was this what I was missing?  
"ARG LOKI!" her screeching filled the night air  
"**ABORT!**" Kenny screamed and I felt Kyle torn from my arms, my eyes shot open as I was left groping the air  
"BASTARD! BASTARD!" Frodi was screaming at the top of her lungs, punching Kyle over and over, her hands glowing with bright blue flames, licking at her skin and clothes, her eye bright blue, teeth bore. "DON'T FUCKIN TOUCH HIM YOU BUTT FUCKING PILLOW BITING SON OF A BITCH!"  
My body refused to respond, I could move a finger, I could only watch in awe as Frodi went physco on him, clawing at his arms, screaming.  
"STAN! STAN DO SOMETHING! STAN!" Kenny screamed pulling at the sides of his hood so that is closed up in the front, as he did when he was scared. Gripping her around the waist, I tried to pull her up, but she was strong, fingers dug into the earth, still screaming.  
"FRODI! FRODI NOT NOW!" I was yelling too, I felt my body blowing, the lava flowing again, teeth grinding as the flames licked at my stomach and lungs. "GET OFF KYLE!"  
With one powerful heave, I threw her off of Kyle and across the yard. She bounced a few times; face smacking against the grass, still growling and grumbling obesities, her eye was so intense full of hatred.  
"Get out of here," they stayed frozen in their places, Kyle was sobbing slightly, Kenny's mouth hung open "NOW!" Kyle attempted to stand, yet he was badly injured, nabbing his hand I pulled him up as Frodi regained her equilibrium. "Run, get out of here now."  
He nodded, scooped up Kenny, and took off full speed down the road. Sighing heavily, I let my shoulders slump, they were safe for now. With a heavy heart I began to turn around, but was blind sided by Frodi. With amazing strength, she pinned me down, palms digging deeply into my shoulders. She was breathing heavily, eye still glowing and face still scrunched up in anger.  
"I can't _believe_ you," she hissed pushing her palms deeper into my shoulders "You'd fucking risk it all for that…that butt fucking son of a bitch!"  
"No," I whispered trying to wriggle myself from her grasp, but she just held on tighter "he attacked me."  
"The hell he did, I saw you, how _content_ you were, you don't get it Loki, you just don't get it. By going to him like you did, he's bringing down your wall; he knows he can get to you! He can use this to his advantage, this is bad, this is so bad." She growled, giving me the evil eye with such an intensity that I thought my body was going to rip open and be devoured by the fires of hell.  
"You don't know shit Frodi!" I spat fighting against her hands  
"I don't know shit?" she screamed "you don't know shit, you don't know shit about yourself _Loki_, you know what the hell's going on, but you won't admit it!"  
She was right, that pint sized demon was right. I'd let my guard down, I'd let it all down. I was pathetic, I was completely pathetic, falling for that son of bitches trick, and he played me like a cheep board game. The music, the dancing, he knew he could get my guard down now.  
"I'm sorry," I whispered stopping the struggling "you were right, you were so right, I'm sorry."  
She stared at me for the longest time, confusion written all over her face, blood from her empty eye socket dripping down onto my face, mixing into my own blood that dripped from my horns.  
"Well, of course," she said sitting up, biting her lower lip


	8. Getting Away with Murder

"I can't believe He thinks I need to be…be…baby-fucking-sat!" I snarled kicked the hubcap of a broken down rust bucket that sat in Kenny's front yard. We were over there again, Frodi had dragged me over there because she didn't trust me alone anymore.

"Well, another slip up like that and the entire mission is compromised. Now come on, buck up pumpkin!" she cooed swinging her feet as she sat on the hood of the car.

"No. I'm not going to buck up." I snarled, nearly throwing up the words 'buck up'. "And it's not just the whole being baby sat, I mean…I don't know what I mean."

"Is this about the angel, sweetie? Don't worry, we all make mistakes." She sighed sliding down to pat me on the back, but I strayed away from her touch, it was nothing more than poison now.

My mind was swirling with thoughts and 'what if'" s about that night. What if Frodi hadn't shown up? Would I have let him kiss me anyways? What if I let him? What would have happened? Would it be like Sleeping Beauty? Like snow white? Would I have woken up from this nightmare to see him lying next to me, both of us nothing more than humans? 

No…no that was impossible. All those stories, they end with a happily ever after, but those don't exist. Happily ever after was bullocks, a mockery of real life, because in the end, the ever after, they die, and then what? They go to hell, they go to heaven, it doesn't matter, whatever afterlife they choose, I can guarantee that they would be miserable. 

"Come on, Mr. Grumpy pants, I know something that will cheer you up!" Frodi squealed putting her arm around me

"Not in the mood, I just want to think."

"Fuck thinking, I have something for us to do, something important for the mission, mon frere!" 

Looking down at her, that sly demonic smile slowly spreading across her face, infecting me, I couldn't help but smile the sick sly smile that she had, knowing exactly what we were going to do.

"Come on, he'll be leaving soon." Frodi said taking my hand and starting off

"What exactly are we going to do?"

"I don't know, but I can guarantee it'll be fun!" 

"Awesome!" Frodi giggled holding my hand tighter as we entered the not so empty house. "This is your chance!"

"What about you? Aren't you going to, you know, join?" I smiled feeling my old blood boil

"Oh, hell no! We need to get that demon blood boiling, get the fire back in your stomach! Those emotions," she gagged "they've made you weak as hell Loki. Now, this is…well, this is basically what you've been waiting for, all your practice, all those days of pain, take this and Seize the day!" Frodi was screaming by this point shaking me violently

"All right," I gargled

"Ok, concentrate, visualize your body!"

"I know, all right, just go away, I can't do it with you just…staring at me. I hate it when you just…watch me, it's creepy."

"Pansy."

"Yes I am, now go wait in there."

Rolling her eyes she slowly strolled in there, hands behind her back whistling, trying to elongate the time it took to actually go there.

"Visualize," I moaned as soon as she was completely out of the room. I squeezed my eyes completely shut. The boy was there, that dark haired boy, his name had to have been Stan, the one Kyle was talking about. But that wasn't important now.

Balling my hands into fists, I took my stance. To look like him, I had to be him, had to connect, visualize a connection. The one strand that connected us, I had to get this right this time. I'd only been able to be him for a few seconds, it had to be longer.

"The Strand," I murmered, think damn it think.

_" A long time ago, I was in love with a boy whose name was Stan, and you remind me so much of him.."_

The picture, his touch, his face, Stan's face, they melted together, swirling in my mind. The connection was made, and as if someone had flushed my mental toilet, all the images and thoughts in my head drained. The mental fluids drained through my spine, rushing out through my body, through my veins, feeding my muscles, shrinking my bones, my horns, the burning that I'd felt for so long subsided, hair shortening, teeth as well.

My skin, which had felt like an over inflated balloon, began to relax, become less tight and transparent. It felt good, right even, the pain that haunted me subsided to nothing more than the heaviness of my bones and body. I quickly made contact with the dingy, stained carpet, panting loudly.

"Sweetums, is that you?" Mrs. Cartman called loudly from the other room

I didn't answer, I just stayed doubled over on the carpet. It was a strange feeling, being _human_, a good strange, but it was also a strain. My core, my central flame that burned brightly in the bit of my stomach, perhaps it was my soul…whatever it was, it was wavering, causing me sever discomfort. If I was going to do this, it had to be quick.

My hands found the arm of the green couch that had rested in the living room for years, and I used it to pull me to a standing position.

"Loki-lishious!" Frodi called from the other room "We're waiting!"

"I'm coming," I grumbled under my breath

With shaking steps, I entered the kitchen, hands groping for any sturdy surface available. Mrs. Cartman stood near the sink, washing dishes, clearly unaware of mine, or Frodi's presence. Frodi had taken a seat atop the counter surface and was once again swinging her legs with grinning madly.

"Here," she said handing an insanely large knife my way

"It's too big," I moaned as my weak muscles gave away

"What's that sweetie?" Mrs. Cartman said, I-once again- didn't reply, only stared at her

"Do it," Frodi began to chat in a low voice "do it."

Gripping the handle with both hands, I stumbled over to Mrs. Cartman. I was taller than her, by only a few inches, but she was a sturdy woman, she probably could have killed me, had I not been already dead.

"Hello," I muttered slopply grabbing onto her shoulder

"You're not Eric," she said softly turning around "Y-you're…you can't be."

I smiled at her reaction, stunned, confused, shocked, paranoid, _afraid_. Touching her cheek lightly, my face flushed, her skin was so warm, like Kyle's. No…not now, not here, I had things I had to do.

"Do it Loki!" Frodi hissed

Gripping the handle of the blade, I brought it up, closing my eyes as if to censer myself from what I was about to do. The blade came down as if it were nothing more than a pendulum forced down by gravity, no…not gravity. It's own will, the blade sliced the air as if it were it's own entity, as if it were crying out loud for the tainted blood of this _whore_.

It came down straight on her soft, white throat, severing the main artery that brought blood to the brain, going as far as to stick into the spine. Heart pumping rapidly, her tarnished crimson began to spurt out like a hose. Oh, it felt so good, the pain from my own angst and anger flowing through the knife as if it were my imagination and creativity flowing freely from a paint brush, this woman, she was my canvas, my _master piece._

The raped blade drew back up, her blood stained the _stainless_ steel, stained my face stained my clothes, stained the floor. I let her collapse to a heap on the floor and positioned myself over her. Driving the blade down again, and again, and again and again, over and over I stabbed, eyes wide, teeth bore, seconds from screaming his name. The name of the man who'd driven me completely insane with just he touch! 

She was dying in my hands, at my hands, eyes rolling wildly trying to find a way to save herself, arms flailing about-only partially subdued by my knees-trying to find something, anything, to save her life. Life wasn't worth living.

Drawing my arm back again, I let it swing at a slant, like a swinging guillotine. Back and forth, slicing up and down her face, contaminating the face that had lured many a man into her unfaithful bed, which, while praise able, left her a nice place in hell.

"Loki…Loki…" Frodi said softly, but I barely heard her over the sounds of the whores ripping flesh. "LOKI!"

She was screaming my name by now, shaking me.

"What?" I screamed back looking at her. But instead of seeing just Frodi, I saw them just standing there. Cartman, his mouth hanging open, tears forming in his eyes, disbeliefe.

"S-stan?" he muttered, eyes twitching and fluttering about, soaking in everything in front of him. His dead mother, his supposedly dead friend soaked in his mothers blood, blade in hand, it must have been too much to process because he hit the floor harder than a thousand pounds of bricks.

"Stan," Kyle said, his lower lip quivering slightly "What the hell have you done?"

"I'm not Stan, you son of a bitch," I growled lowly, his eyes flashed hurt, pain.

"No, no, y-you were almost back, please," he was coming towards me, arms outstretched, breathing labored as if his chest was bound

"Never again, you can't trick me, you can't!" I yelled as Frodi stood poised by my side, ready to attack.

"_Don't touch him_," she snarled passively

"Or what, you're going to hurt him?"

There was another girl there, blond, dirty smirk on her face. Over confident, that's what she was.

"Who the hell are you?" Frodi cried out

"Does it matter? Don't fucking touch him." 

"Like you can stop me,"

Just as Frodi was gearing up to attack, eye glowing, claws bright blue, the blond girl grabbed her wrist, tightening. She fell to her knees, howling in pain.

"Kyle, you what you need to do now,"

He just stood there, staring at blood covered me, a strange look on his face, half way between confusion and desire.

"_KYLE!_" She screamed, snapping him out of his half trance

"All right Tally," he moaned coming towards me again.

"NO!" Frodi shrieked 

"Stan…Loki…Please don't back away," he said softly out stretching his hand towards me. I didn't even realize I was backing away till he said it "I'd never trick you, I know that's what she's been saying, but please, I know how you felt the other day, I know you felt safe and I know you felt right. Do you want to know how _I_ know? Because it felt right, please, just…just-" he stopped only a few inches away from me, my body in rigamortis, unable to move, speak. He was right.

"J-just what?" I stuttered, eyes wide, straightening my body out so that I was up right

"Just…kiss me." He croaked near tears. Something, deep inside, the flame that kept me the way I was, it was dowsed. The pain in my heartstrings came flying back will full vengeance, the sinking hole, sucking in my guts.

"Don't cry," I muttered lowly, reaching out and touching his shoulder softly "I don't want to see you cry."

He looked up at me, eyes wide, shining from the light of flurcent bulb over head. Time, the enternity that it was, seemed to stand perfectly still, Frodi's out stretched hand, mouth agape screaming protests as I placed my finger beneath his chin and moved closer. My still heart began to beat deep in my ears, eyes fluttering as he slowly leaned in, the sucking of the black hole deepening, nearly regurgitating. His breath, hot against my stale lips, his fingers, warm against the clammy nape of my neck, perfection in it's absolute form.

They touched, a sparking flying between them, and it was good, so good. Closing my eyes, the kiss deepened, her cries completely drowned out by the lights that flashed in my mind. A tsunami of ecstasy washed over my body, leaving my body limp in his arms, which alarmed him. He pulled away, and my eyes shot open, I tried to speak, yet no words came out. Blinking a few times, my mind was washed away.

I no longer knew where I was, one second I was in Kyle's arms, his alarmed face inches from mine, unable to move, unable to speak, a scream thousands of times worse than anything I could have uttered erupting from Frodi's mouth, next thing I knew my eyes rolled back into my head, engulfing me in complete darkness.  
Or was it darkness? It was too bright to be a darkness like that of night, but more of a conscious darkness, where my body was shut down whilst my mind wandered around the mental planes of the universe.

Weird, I feel as though I'm talking in prose possibly? Or just using large fancy words, I'm not really sure yet. What I was sure of was that I was feeling the gurgling of my mental fluids deep in the pit of my stomach, and they were erupting. The strange feeling that grows in the back of your throat when you have to vomit was there, yet I knew I couldn't throw anything up, well out of my mouth. Instead I have a proverbial vomit of memories. Where I just stood back and watched as these memories played out in front of me.

i _The autumn air whipped around the basketball court and the sounds of skate shoes and a basket ball hitting the cement court vibrated off of the trees and walls of houses. Four fourteen year old boys were scrimmaging against each other. _

_"__**GOD DAMN IT KENNAH! PASS IT TO ME!**__" Cartman yelled waving his arms, but it was futile, Kenny was being heavily guarded by the near six foot tall red head. The blonde kept trying to duck and pass, but Kyle was too quick, his limbs longer than that of poor Kenny. Knowing that he couldn't do anything, he decided to fake around and try and run back and around. But even that didn't work, because Stan stole the ball away, took it back court and took a shot. But Stan sucked at basketball, it just rebounded off of the backboard and rolled off to the side._

_"God damn it," Stan hissed in anger, it was his sixth missed shot_

_"HA!" Cartman yelled smacking Stan on the back "Seven to four, we win!"_

_"Only because it's late, fatass, rematch, tomorrow, four." Kyle yelled poking Cartman's soft art_

_"Oh, you're on you filthy jew rat." Cartman yelled giving the boys the finger and heading off towards home, closely followed by Kenny, leaving Stan and Kyle all alone in the darkening park._

_"I can't believe I missed it," he moaned_

_"don't worry about it Stan, it happens."_

_"No, it doesn't just happened,"_

_"Is there something on your mind, you seemed sort of distracted the whole game."_

_Stan opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. What was he supposed to say? 'I was watching your glorious body move around the court with the grace of a dolphin?'_

_"I…no."_

_"Come on, I know there's something?" Kyle nudged him in a playful manor, but Stan didn't feel in the mood. It was something he'd kept inside for so long._

_"Kyle-" he began, Kyle looked over at him, head cocked to one side studying the verbally constipated Stan "do you…do you wanna hang out at my house for a while?'_

_Kyle sighed, he knew Stan had something on his mind, he could tell by the look on his handsome face. Something was pestering him, gnawing at him, slowly devouring him mentally, and he knew what it was. Kyle hadn't noticed it until Craig had pointed it out, Stan had been cautiously flirting with him for the past few months. His attitude towards Kyle slightly different, more of treating him like a lady than a best friend, which was weird, because for certain, Kyle didn't look like a lady._

_"Stan," he said stopping, but Stan kept walking, hands in his pockets slumped over in thought "Stan stop, I have something I want to tell you."_

_He could feel his face growing hot, the feeling slowly leaving his fingertips and toes, a slightly tickling sensation growing in his stomach. Stan turned, face slightly pink from the dropping temperature_

_"What's up?" he said in a low depressed tone._

_"Stan, this may sound weird…god it sounds weird in my head, maybe it's just because it's in my head, but it makes sense there, but then again why shouldn't it, I mean it's my head, my thoughts, everything makes sense to ourselves right?"_

_Stan chuckled slightly "Spit it out Kyle."_

_"Stan, I think I'm in love with you."_

_They stood there for the longest time, just staring at each other, faces becoming redder and redder with each passing second. Neither of them said anything, made a slight movement, or even blinked._

_Kyle was the first to say anything._

_"Stan, I'm so sorry, it just…it just burst out!" He cried burying his face in his hands, trying to hide the shame and embarrassment that seemed to burst out of his skin. All he wanted to do was to push the world around him out, everything that was around him, these awkward feelings for Stan. He didn't even hear him coming closer._

_"Kyle," he said breathlessly, but Kyle didn't heed him "Kyle listen, it doesn't sound weird __**at all**__."_

_He pulled himself from his hands and looked at the blue eyed boy, who's face was still a brilliant shade of pink._

_"At all? No, you're just saying that." Kyle muttered mind racing_

_"No, I'm not." _

_"Prove it!"_

_Stan grabbed the sides of his face, squishing it together. Kyle could feel his hands trembling against his warm flesh, pulling his face down quickly, giving him eye to eye contact with Stan._

_"I will," Stan said softly pressing his lips awkwardly against Kyle's. Neither of them knew what to do, Kyle hadn't been kissed in the longest time, and Stan had only kissed girls. Softly, Kyle laughed in his head, it must've looked like something you'd see in an overdramatic movie with bad actors. But he didn't care, Stan was __**his**__ bad actor now._

The room was spinning like a top, my mind flooding.

_As the sun cracked through the faded makeshift blinds, which were nothing more than black sheets Stan had thrown over his window one day, the two boys who lay curled up in each other's embraces began to moan protests of waking and untangling themselves._

_"W-what time is it?" Kyle moaned, not a morning person to say the least. Stan casually looked over at his alarm clock and grunted "nine."_

_"Nine?" he half hissed pulling Stan closer to him. The raven haired boy didn't mind, he loved waking up in the morning with Kyle clinging out to him out of desperation propelled by his hatred for the mornings._

_Kissing his forehead, Stan half torn himself away so that if his parents came inexplicitly bursting in, they wouldn't look as if they were cuddling, because god forbid their child be a homosexual. He cracked his back audibly and began to stare out with window with a yawn_

_"Stan," Kyle said softly wrapping his arms around his boyfriends waist and leaning his head on his shoulder "do you love me?"_

_"Huh?" he half muttered snapping out of his half trance, then laughing ever so slightly at Kyle's question "Kyle, you silly goose, I love you lots."_

_Kyle chuckled slightly at Stan's imitation of Big Gay Al_

_"What would you do if I died?" he said out of no where. Stan looked down at his lover with a semi-shocked look on his face. Kyle had said it so casually, as if death was nothing more than a casual conversation._

_"I'd die."_

_Kyle looked at him in an angry manor and began to bite at his nails, Stan could feel his angry glare on his skin._

_"What? Not the answer you want?"_

_"Not really,"_

_"Well, I can't live without you, it's simple as that. If you died, invariably I'd die-" Kyle shook his head at Stan's words "-I'd already be dead on the inside without you."_

_"I rather you live and find someone else than to die just because of me…I'm not worth it."_

_"Kyle," Stan said holding his boyfriend close to him "you're worth the __**world**__."_

I coughed, blood running down my mouth.

_ Ike's voice had sounded so urgent, so scared, terrified! Stan couldn't help but run, even thought Kyle's house was only a few blocks away. His stomach was sinking deeper into the ground beneath him as he sprinted down the sidewalk. The unmistakable sound of an ambulance sounded off in the distance getting louder._

_**What if he wasn't lying!**__ Stan thought his whole body trembling. He didn't even knock on the door, he just burst in. The house felt odd, different._

_"Stan," Ike said breathlessly, his face drained of all color_

_"Where's Kyle Ike?" he demanded shaking the middle schooler._

_"Stan, I-" Ike began but he couldn't wait, he knew what had happened before Ike could open his mouth. The dread, the fears, the nightmares, they were all coming true._

_Pushing Ike aside, Stan took off up the stairs, skipping every other one in a desperate attempt to save time. His door was ajar, it was dark and foul smelling in his room._

_"k-Kyle?" Stan whispered softly pushing the creaking door open, in the dim light he could see the red head face down on the floor "Kyle, KYLE!"_

_He was screaming without even telling his body too, his lips forming his name over and over. He rushed to his side and lightly touched him, his skin was cold, pale. His voice choked and stopped, unable to scream._

_"No," he whispered turning Kyle over, his eyes were wide with fear, the remnants of blood and vomit caked on his chin, his mouth gaping wide, face gaunt. He wasn't breathing._

_"Kyle," he sobbed picking the boy up and cradling him in his arms "Kyle, you're going to be fine, you're going to be okay, all right? You're not dead. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, damn it, stop, just breath. Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I should have never left you, Wendy wasn't fucking worth it. Kyle, KYLE!" Stan was shaking him by now, the sounds of sirens loud and obnoxious in his ears "KYLE WAKE THE FUCK UP!"_

_"Son, son, we need to take him," a man said, but Stan didn't reply, he was shaking, rocking back and forth with Kyle firmly grasped in his arms_

_"FUCK YOU!" Stan screamed into the Kyle's hair_

_"Son, let him go, we need to take him." The man said lightly touching Stan's shoulder_

_"FUCK OFF!" he screamed again, sobbing, still rocking back and forth, feeling the weight of the last year pressing down on him. This was his fault. He hadn't listened. He'd left him, all alone. His fault. __**His Fault**_

"Stan?" Kyle said touching my cheek, his hands were warm, warm like they use to be. "Stan, are you all right?

I blinked, knowing that my eyes had been open for the longest time. The fluid had drained and I no longer felt as sick

"Kyle?" I muttered softly touching the hand on my cheek

"Are you all right?" he said, silver tears running down his cheeks

"I'm…I'm perfect." I said with a smile. I remembered, I remembered everything. I remembered who I was, where I had came from, how I died, why I died, my friends, my family, _everything._

"That's good," Kyle smiled and helped me up

"I-I missed your smile," I said holding his hand

"What?"

"Kyle, I missed your smile," I said, fiery tears forming in the corners of my eyes as I pulled him into the biggest hug I'd given in the past two years "I missed you, I missed you so god damn much, don't ever leave me again."

I was full out crying by now, trembling as his held my body in shock.

"Stan you…you _remember_." Kyle said breathlessly slowly snaking his arms around me

"I remember everything, I'm sorry I left you for Wendy, I shouldn't have done that, I'm a dumb shit, I should have never pulled that. Kyle, _I love __**you**_, you and only you."

"Stan," he choked "I missed you too."

"Kyle!" Tally screamed, then there was the sound of a skull hitting the wall. Kyle tore himself away from my arms and turned to face Tally and the still screaming Frodi.

"I'm sorry to break up this sob fest, but I believe there is some work to do." He said with a devilish grin, Frodi immediately attached herself to his arm. He was tall, an ancient from what I could tell. Dark brown hair, green tips in the front, he wore old armor, probably dating back to around the late Grecian area, probably Alexander the Greats time. Like Frodi, he also had lost an eye, yet it wasn't perpetually bleeding.

"Lord Koresh!" Frodi cried "is has verto Loki! Is memor , nos es fatum! intentio mos nunquam opus iam"

The elder Demon laughed and patted her on the head, his voice was deep, and had the crackling of a dieing fire.

"Operor non exsisto stultus parvulus , is etiam has incendia , illic est etiam spero nostrum posterus. Ego hath sent pro Senior Damien , nos ero validus puto tener Loki's mens. Iam take fuga parvulus , reperio alius aptus target." He waved his hand and Frodi nodded. She spread her wings, and with one last angry, yet pathetic look, she took off.

"Now," he said, accent thick "where were we."

The demon was a full head or two taller than I, and quite muscular, his hands alone were the size of both of our faces.

"This is going to be all kinds of suck," I whimpered out, throat constricting.


End file.
